Day by Day...

Hiatus

2011-10-03T20:24:00.003-04:00

Hi. I'm back. For now, at least. Not sure how I'll be able to keep this up, but I'm here for now. Sorry I kind of peaced out, there. But, you know, I had a lot to deal with. I'm still dealing, but we'll try to multi-task for a bit and see how that goes.

You up for it?

Becoming Stronger

2011-05-17T11:03:00.001-04:00

You know that old saying, "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger?" Well, I think that I am becoming stronger. I hope. Maybe.

The past couple of weeks [months] have been a serious shake-up in our routine, and we seem to be readjusting at least functionally, if not well. Max and Jackie returned to NH on Easter with a truck full of stuff, a car on a trailer, and hopes of establishing their adult lives closer to their families. We unpacked them and made a half-hearted attempt at moving some of our stuff the next day with their truck. The big push to get us out of our condo came the following Wednesday, and we've been sleeping at the house since then. It's a mess (that would be an understatement, actually), and we've still got stuff at the condo, but we're getting there. We get closer every day.

What's this, you say? We moved? Why, yes! Wait, you did that just weeks after your dad died? Why, yes! And, you moved into the house that your parents have lived in for the past 20 years (and your mother is still living in)? Why, yes! With all of the crap that you've been collecting for the past 10 years of married life? Why, yes! And, all of the crap that has accumulated for the past 40 years of your parents' lives? Why, yes! And, the crap that's left over from your grandmother who moved 70 years of life in Chicago into the house? Why, yes! Does this sound like a lot of crap? Why, yes! Oh, and your brother moved back to NH after being in OK for the past 6 years? Why, yes! And, we're thrilled to have him and Jackie back, too. And, Joseph had to change day care providers (didn't mention that one, did I?) as soon as we all got back from Cleveland? Why, yes! And, when people told you that the grieving process was going to be harder than you imagined, you thought that you'd make it more difficult by tossing in a move, too? Why, yes! Does that sound like it might be a teensy bit much for one small group of people to handle all at one time? Why, YES!

So, we're becoming stronger. I hope. I think. Maybe. I, personally, am just trying not to do permanent emotional damage to The Boy as we all jockey for position in our new arrangement and determine what our new roles and responsibilities will be. I'd like to stay married, too. That'd be ok. There has been a lot of whining, crying, and yelling. And Joseph has been upset too. We'll get there. I hope. I think. Maybe. Wherever 'there' is...

Easter bunnies

2011-04-22T19:46:00.000-04:00

More Joseph cuteness to make you smile.

The Boy and my mom dyed eggs the other day (Monday?) because we happened to have the time and occasion. We dyed a dozen eggs and he stuck them up with race car stickers and all that good stuff. Because what else says 'Easter' but some Nascar-infused egg decorations? My mom (Ma) put them all back in the carton and put them in the fridge and told Joseph that they'd be safe from the silly bunnies in the fridge. He wanted to know why the bunnies wanted his eggs, so she told him about the silly game that the bunnies play at Easter where they find your eggs and then hide them all over the place for you to find.

He was not a fan of that whole situation.

When she came over to our house the next night, he exclaimed, "Ma! You need to go to your house to check on our eggs and see if the bunnies got them!" Then, as we drove up to the house on Wednesday, he was looking all over the yard for the bunnies that wanted to hide his eggs. He ran in the house and checked the eggs in the frigerator (his word) to make sure that the bunnies hadn't gotten in to take them. Can you tell how his little mind is working? We tried to tell him that it was a silly game and they weren't going to keep his eggs. We even told him that sometimes they leave extra eggs with candy and toys in them. Still not buying it. We assured him that the pets would keep the bunnies out of the house, and even if Scout let them in (because she's a friendly little pug) the bunnies couldn't get the eggs because they don't have thumbs to open the frigerator. That seemed to work. He spent a good few minutes after that explaining to the cats that the bunnies couldn't get in and hide our eggs since they don't have fumbs (no "th" sounds for this kiddo yet).

We're in trouble once he starts to think about what Santa does, and I feel bad for the Tooth Fairy. That is a pretty sketchy deal, though. We'll see how he does on Sunday.

Misery loves company

2011-04-21T18:06:00.000-04:00

Okay, so maybe that title is a bit dramatical, but, it seems to be the case. I promise not to dwell on my grief over losing my dad too much, but I do miss him more than I can even express. I know that it's going to be a long process, and I know that we have been so fortunate and lucky in so many many aspects of this whole situation. Actually, I promise nothing. This sucks.

At any rate, another teacher at school who has become a friend lost her dad the day that my dad went into the hospital--March 18. His passing was quite sudden, although he had been plagued with health issues for a while. My heart broke for my friend, her mom, and her family while we were desperately trying to write another ending for our story. Obviously, these pages had been written long before, and our journey has taken this path. When I finally came back to school, this teacher friend came down to my room and we were both able to talk about what we were both going through with someone who truly knew how the other's heart was aching. At that moment. While I am so sorry that my friend is going through this at the same time that I am, it has provided a certain amount of comfort to know that there is someone that I can chat with who has the same questions, concerns, fears, and sadness that I have. I don't even feel the least bit bad about crying in front of her, and that's not something that I let many people see. So, in this respect, my misery cherishes her company, and I'm chalking her up on my list of fortunate occurrences during this crappy situation.

On another note, I've found myself forcing myself to remember things about Dad. I think it's kind of funny that it's taken me until now to realize some of these things. Like, he always called me "sweetie." Always. I never quite realized this until I was laying in bed and making myself remember his voice. I was thinking about how he always greeted me on the phone with a chipper, "Hi, sweetie." And the last thing that he was able to say to me was, "I love you. You're doing a great job with that little boy." I know that doesn't have much to do with anything, but I don't want to forget.

I say 'Tomato,' you hear 'Tornado'...

2011-04-14T07:50:00.000-04:00

I'm stepping outside of my grief for a moment to share a smile. This does require a bit of a back-story, though.

1. Matt was a meteorology major when we were in school. Since we went to school in Indiana, he was able to partake of various storm chasing opportunities and even spent a couple of weeks one summer driving all over Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, and other assorted flat and tornado-prone states chasing the elusive funnel cloud.

2. Joseph has never been afraid of storms. Until a couple of weeks ago. For some reason, he decided that thunderstorms made him 'a little bit scared.' Matt explained to him how we all like thunderstorms and when he was in college, he would drive around to find the big thunderstorms. Both of us love a good thunderstorm, so The Boy is going to have to get over that. We'll get there.

Now, the rest of it: Joseph and I were driving to my ~~folk's~~ (dammit, this sucks) mom's house last weekend and we were talking about planting a garden this spring. He decided that he wanted to plant pumpkins, because he likes pumpkins. We discussed beans, peas, and cucumbers, too. He wasn't as excited about those, but could deal with it. Then I said that we could plant tomatoes, too. He pauses and comes back with, 'I don't love tomatoes.' I responded with something to the effect of, well, you don't have to eat them, but it will be fun to watch them grow. He says, 'I'm a little bit scared of tomatoes.' I'm baffled. He keeps explaining: 'My daddy used to put on his hat and his sunglasses and go and find the thunderstorms, and I'm a little bit scared of tomatoes.' Lightbulb. I promptly called Matt and explained to him that, unbeknownst to him, he had been chasing the elusive tomato all of those years ago. I've been a little slow on correcting this misconception because I think that it's just so darned cute! I'll probably rot for that. Oh well, I can deal with it.

I love my kid.

The rest of the Pulmonary Fibrosis story

2011-04-08T11:11:00.009-04:00

Well, long-ish story short, we lost Dad Thursday March 31 at about 8:25am. That seems to be all that matters in this journey, but I would like to pick up approximately where I previously left off for anyone who may be interested.

Dad's cardiac catheterization came back clean. He had a 35% blockage, which, for a 63 year-old, isn't too bad. If he'd had a 70% blockage, they would have either had to do a by-pass or an angioplasty at that point, which would have put him on blood thinners for 6-8 weeks, and then a revisit of the qualification process. Luckily that didn't happen. So, that went well. The final hurdle at that point was the consultation with the thoracic surgeon. The surgeon came by and visited on Friday and we were assured that everyone would be writing up their reports as quickly as they could. The transplant team normally meets on Monday mornings, but they were approaching my dad's case a little differently and were applying for expedited listing with the state and all that good stuff. I got a call at 9:17 Saturday night (funny how you remember some of these things) telling me that my dad had been listed on the lung transplant list and that his 'number' was 92.33. The coordinator said that this was a high number, but we were hopeful that this meant that his wait would be shorter. So, he was on The List, which was where he wanted to be. Now, we waited.

I had noticed over the course of the past week of his hospitalization that it seemed that his disease was still progressing, since the treatment that they were having to use was becoming more and more intense, but we were hopeful and his mood was great. We decided, and he told us, that we needed to go back to our lives while he and my mom waited. We left my mom in Cleveland on Tuesday and headed back to NH, and Max and Jackie went back to OK. That was a really difficult ride for all of us because we knew what we were driving away from.

I went to work on Wednesday, but kept my phone close by. When I came back from lunch, there were two messages on my phone, a text message, and an email from Matt simply telling me to call him. My stomach dropped. I knew that if it were good news, the message would have been different. With my fourth block class waiting patiently, I called him. The news was tough to take, that Dad had had a rough night and probably wasn't going to make it. I quickly explained to my class that I had to leave, they understood, the teacher next door watched them, and I bolted. Once I got home, I repacked a suitcase and bought a plane ticket back to Cleveland for that night. My flight left at 6:30 and got to Cleveland at 11:00pm. For the second time in a little over a week, I was flying to Cleveland.

I was able to talk to my mom, my cousin, and Max a little bit while things were being coordinated and found out that Dad had been struggling the previous night and they called my mom down to the Clinic at about 6:00 Wednesday morning. They'd had to put Dad on a BPAP, which is a pressurized breathing mask thing. He hated it, so in order for him to be able to relax into the machine, they'd had to sedate him a bit. He was still able to wake up and respond a little bit at that point. Because of the progression of his disease and the weakening of the rest of his systems, though, the transplant team could only give him until midnight before they'd have to take him off of the eligibility list. Max and I were on our way, and landed in Cleveland shortly after 11pm. My uncle picked us up and took us straight to the Clinic. We saw Dad and he woke up a bit and squeezed our hands. He knew that we were back. He knew that we love him. He knew that we're proud of him. It was so hard to see him that way.

The Clinic has a hotel that is literally a block away, and another uncle had gotten us a room there for the night. My mom was exhausted. The MICU doctor was trying to get us to take the mask off and let him go at that point, and none of us felt like we could make that decision at 1am. So, my mom and I went and crashed for a bit while Max stayed with Dad. My dad's family (his sisters, their husbands, and their kids) have been absolutely incredible throughout this whole crisis, and I have no idea whatsoever how we would fared without their constant support, love, and assistance. Two of my dad's sisters stayed with him for most of the night, my uncle and cousin were in and out, and he was never alone.

My aunt called us back to his room at about 6:30 Thursday morning because Dad's heart rate was getting pretty high. We knew that his systems would just shut down as they were on overdrive compensating for his lung disease, and it seemed like this was beginning to happen. We were able to decide at that point that we needed to let him go. He needed to rest peacefully. He had been through enough, and there was nothing more that could be done for him. He had signed a DNR and we had explicit instructions from him to fight as hard as possible until there was no hope, and when that hope was gone, we were to let him go. Once he was taken off of the transplant list, there was no hope for him, and we needed to let him be at peace. He had also told my mom that he wanted to give the BPAP 24 hours, and that was at 8:00 on Wednesday morning. His nurse made sure that he was comfortable and sleeping deeply. We cried. We prayed. We cried some more. We prayed some more. And finally, his respiratory therapist took the BPAP off. Within 5 minutes, he was gone. Without any question, ever, that was the worst thing that I have ever seen in my entire life.

Everything since then has seemed like a blur. We slept a little. We cried some more. We made some plans. We cried some more. We laughed a little, then cried some more. You get the idea? We had a memorial service for him in Cleveland for his family and some friends in that part of the country this past Monday. Matt's folks came out from Chicago, as did his roommate from college. It was great to see them, although it was such a sad situation. Max, my cousin, and I all spoke on his behalf.

We all drove home to NH on Tuesday and started putting things back together out here on Wednesday. We've got another memorial service for him tomorrow (Saturday) at our church here at home for his friends and clients in the area. His boss wrote a beautiful tribute that was sent out to all of his clients, for whom he was still actively working. I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be rough. But, we'll make it.

There is so much more to this process, and we're all so sad. I'll try not to be Debbie Downer, but this is so unpleasant. I know that he was a Believer, so I feel certain that he's found the best campsite by the greatest fishing hole, but we miss him down here.

Again, please leave a question if you want or need to. If there is any way that I can help someone else who may be facing this situation, I would truly love to do that. It's been a rough road, but it helps to know that someone else has walked it before you.

The real story: Pulmonary Fibrosis and the Cleveland Clinic

2011-03-23T15:51:00.007-04:00

I've been beating around the bush for a while with the back story of the situation behind a lot of the stress that we've been feeling. Well, here it is. Get comfortable.

My dad is sick. Not like 'I'm not feeling so well, so I think I'll stay home today' sick. Like, idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis sick. The short version of that is that his lung tissue has been turning into scar tissue over the course of the past couple of years which has made breathing and all of the activities associated with breathing (like continuing to breathe) much more difficult for him. Oh, and they have no idea what causes it, how to stop it, or how to treat and/or cure it.

When he got his initial diagnosis of this fine mess back in January 2009 we didn't quite know what to make of it. We knew that he was having a harder time doing the things that he used to enjoy, and over the past couple of years the list of activities that were being compromised grew and grew. After our fabulous vacation this summer (which we are soooo lucky to have been able to take), he had a lung biopsy in order to confirm the idiopathic nature of his disease. It was confirmed and no one had any damned clue why this was happening to him. He's never smoked, he's never abused drugs (or even taken any, to my knowledge), he's never worked in an industry where he would have been exposed to any fungi or other harmful inhaled things.

We knew, when we all started reading about this, that the only ultimate treatment option was a transplant. That seemed so science-fiction and surreal at the time. Two years ago we had no idea how quickly the disease would progress and how the rest of him would fare throughout this process. Every patient has a different experience. Some people decline, then plateau, and remain on that plateau for years and years and years. We're guessing that this was what happened with Dad, too, but he started falling off the end of that plateau in August.

We have been so fortunate and my dad has advocated for himself so well throughout this whole process, despite the fact that it has been so difficult. He tracked down the best pulmonologists in New Hampshire and a pulmonologist for himself at the Cleveland Clinic who is quite experienced with this disease and works with a team of lung transplant doctors. My uncle and cousin were instrumental in getting him an appointment with this doctor and his team, and my dad started visiting them over a year ago. He entered into the clinical trials that they asked him to be a part of and he's followed his doctors' orders to the letter.

Enter this past week. Tuesday, after visiting with my folks at their house, Matt and I went home and discussed that Dear Old Dad didn't seem to be doing so well. I cried. Finally. And a lot. Saturday morning, I got a tearful call from my mom saying that Dad wasn't feeling so well and wanted to go to the hospital. So, we called for an ambulance transport and he was taken to a local hospital where he was monitored and treated as best as they could treat him. When we checked in, the admitting doctor in the ER seemed to think that we were full of crap when we told him about Dad's disease and that he needed to be transferred to the Cleveland Clinic and to please call his doctors there. Of course it was the weekend, and things happen so slowly on the weekends.

So, they kept him for the weekend and treated him as best as they could. We said, on Sunday, that the best thing that could happen for him would be for him to be transferred to Cleveland on Monday, be qualified and on the list for a lung transplant by the end of the week, and [although we would feel terrible for the family who had tragically lost their otherwise healthy 40-something 6' something male in a car accident] he would have a new lung or two in a couple of weeks.

Monday morning, the people in New Hampshire started talking to the people in Cleveland, and by 1:00 that afternoon, his transfer had been approved. My mom decided that she would be more of a hindrance than a help in the private jet that they were sending, so she put me down as his travelling companion. I bolted to the hospital after school (with the clothes on my back, and the crap in my purse) for my journey to Cleveland while Matt picked up Joseph, packed for all 3 of us, picked up and delivered the dog and cat at my folks' house, and hopped in the car with my mom.

I can't even begin to express my awe and appreciation of these rock star EMTs. They rolled into this little hospital in NH in their big black 'Critical Care Transport: Cleveland Clinic' jumpsuits and their reflective armbands and all that stuff looking like they were ready to take over. Which is exactly what they did. They spent an hour stabilizing Dad on their machinery and loading him onto their equipment. We had an ambulance transport to the local airport where a private jet was waiting for us. They strapped him in there, and we were on our way. This was the smallest plane that I have ever been on or will probably ever fly on in my entire life. There were four seats. I took a picture while they were finegaling Dad into the plane. It's a crappy picture and it's on my phone, but it was an incredible process. Joe and Jonathan were our transport EMTs and they were absolutely amazing. I fell in love immediately. They watched him constantly and were tweaking this knob and fixing that dial throughout the entire hour and a half flight to make sure that Dad stayed comfortable and safe.

When we got to Cleveland, another ambulance was waiting for us, and he got admitted to the heart/lung transplant wing. This was midnight on Monday. After the transfer, we were all absolutely wiped, and his doctors decided that he needed to be monitored more closely to make sure that he could stabilize faster and more safely, so he was moved to the ICU. He landed in the ICU at about 2:30 Tuesday morning, and he's been there since then. He seems to be much more comfortable here, and it seems that he's bounced back from the stress and turmoil from the transfer. His color is back, his mood is great, and he's anxious to move on to the next step.

We've been chilling in the family waiting room for his group of ICU beds for the past three days while Dad gets poked and prodded and consulted and met. He's had a pretty consistent parade of doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, and all kinds of people since he's been here. Our consistent goal has been to get him tested as quickly as possible so that his case can be reviewed by the lung transplant team and hopefully approved as soon as possible. We've learned that the team meets Monday mornings at 7am, and we despirately want him to be on the next meeting agenda. We've been interviewed by the social workers and she has filed her report, which we understand was favorable. They know that he has a strong support network that will help him as much as possible post-op. He's having a heart catheter this very moment, then the cardiologist will weigh in with his/her opinions about the strength of his heart to withstand the operation. Depending on how that procedure fares, he'll meet with either the cardio-thoracic surgeon, or the thoracic surgeon probably (hopefully) tomorrow. These are the last major hurdles for his eligibility.

We've all been kind of on edge the past few days, and are starting to realize the intensity of this marathon. We know that even if he qualifies, there is no guarantee that an appropriate match will be found. But, we've got to take things one step at a time, and we are truly doing everything that we can for him. I know that there are many more pieces to this puzzle, and I am happy to answer any questions that I can, so please, leave a question and ask. If we can help anyone else who may be going through this process also, we would be happy to do exactly that.

Don't forget to catch the rest of the story.

A Good Cry

2011-03-17T08:28:00.002-04:00

I've always been the type of person who kind of holds in stress. I feel this need to be all things to all people, except myself. I hold myself to pretty high standards and am pretty proud of my abilities to meet most of them. It sounds like I'd be a typical Type A personality, but I really don't think that I am.

Anyway, since I can remember (and since my mom can, too) I've known the therapy of a good cry. But, due to the variety of hats and masks that I wear on a day-to-day basis, and the shear lack of time where I get to truly take off those hats and masks, I haven't been able to allow myself the vulnerability of a good cry. Until last night. I found myself alone in the car headed to a destination where puffy, red eyes wouldn't be conspicuous, and I just let it all catch up with me. It felt really good (until I was reasonably certain that I was going to vomit...then I had to take a step back). But, since I don't/can't do this so often, I've had a hard time shutting it down and have found myself kind of weepy today. I had a terrible time sleeping (since my mind was still running through the various stressors and the implications of those situations) and have added tired and hormonal to my already fragile existance today.

In short, my head and my skin are not happy places in which to exist today. The good news, though, is that I get to/have to don my teacher hat until 7:30 tonight, where I switch into my mother/wife hat, and I probably won't have too much time to actually think about things for the duration. I know that may sound lousy, but when you can't particularly change the situations that are causing the stress/anxiety/sadness/anger/frustration, we just play through.

Like Me

2011-03-08T08:10:00.003-05:00

You know what? I like me. This dawned on me this morning. I know that it may sound trite and perhaps a bit conceited, but I like me. I think that, at 32, I'm allowed to admit that, too.

It's taken me a loooooong time to figure out that there aren't a lot of people out there that are a lot like me, but that's ok. There are a lot of people out there that are kind of like me, and that's good. It means I'm not a total freakazoid nerd-face loser chick. And that's good too.

Or maybe I am a total freakazoid nerd-face loser chick. I don't know that I particularly care. I'm ok. I'm not perfect, by any stretch of anyone's imagination. I'm sure that it wouldn't take long to compile a mile-long self depricating list of things that I could do better. But we certainly don't need to do that now, do we?

I guess that I've just learned to like my good traits and not focus on my imperfections. I've decided that I'm not half bad. Again, not perfect. Yikes. Not perfect. But, not too shabby, either. Hopefully my kid grows up to feel that way too, and I think that you should take a moment to reflect on the things that you do well.

The Grand Illusion

2011-02-18T09:01:00.002-05:00

My dearly beloved posted this Styx lyric as his facebook status this morning, and I have a feeling that it's in response to a brief chat that we had this morning: "...if you think your life is complete confusion because you never win the game. Just remember that it's a Grand Illusion, and deep inside we're all the same." I know that this is his way of acknowledging that, like my mother's mantra, things are never the way they seem. I know this. My heart knows this. My head acknowledges this. It doesn't keep my imagination from wandering a bit and wondering what it might be like to be inside someone else's skin sometimes.

Truly, I am not complaining. I know that I am blessed. I know that I am so very fortunate in so very many ways. I also know that we have worked DAMNED HARD to create our fortune (no, I'm not talking about actual money), and that we have been lucky to have the support and love of our families. But, I'm tired. And I'm angry. And I'm sad. And I'm angry. And I'm frustrated. I don't even know why I'm so angry. I guess I thought that things would be different. Despite the fact that my heart knows that this is how life goes, my head is imagining something...different. So, it's good to remind myself that everyone is dealing with something. And, that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. There's just a lot of stuff out there that can kill us, though.

If this whole deal has become frustratingly vague, I apologize. I've been mulling over a "bare all" post, and have a feeling that it's coming. I just don't think that I'm ready yet.

A brief reflection

2011-01-21T07:22:00.003-05:00

We've had an interesting run lately. It's winter, so it's snowing. Apparently, it's snowing a lot. We're home today on Snow Day #4 in the last week and a half-ish. We're going to be in school until July, I guess. I've been cooking and knitting and reading and thinking. I shared a bit of the cooking and knitting with you earlier, so I'm going to share a bit of the thinking today.

Maybe it's the time of year...long gray days with really cold nights, but loss has been on my mind lately. My friend Kate rather eloquently posted her recent thoughts on loss and the things that time doesn't heal. Really, though, this is something that I've been rolling around for a while. Maybe not 'loss' specifically, but moreso the tremendous effect that health and family have on our lives, and the degree to which most of us take those things for granted. I've recently learned that one of my parents' friends from my childhood died suddenly last fall (he was 57 and left a wife and 3 kids ages 28, and 24 yo twins). A sorority sister of mine tragically lost her son at birth just last weekend. And our family is facing at least two different illnesses/diseases that have helped us all prioritize our lives and realize what is important and what isn't. With this in mind, I'm going to venture to say that a LOT of what we place in high regard really doesn't matter at all.

I know that, again, this is a big ol' welcome to our 30's and the stuff that goes along with a more grown-up life, responsibilities, and outlook on things. But, I don't particularly feel like age needs to be the motivator or determinator for people to make decisions for and with other people. There are far too many examples of hideously self-centered leeches of all ages, and we probably needn't look too far to find someone that fits that bill in our own lives.

So, I guess that what I'm trying to say is to just get over your big bad self. Life is all too fleeting and moments pass way too quickly to spend too much time on yourself. Now, don't go thinking that I'm saying that you need to neglect yourself and all that crap. Just keep it in balance. Be thoughtful of others. Be kind. Be considerate. Be grateful. Be polite. This may be coming across as my lecture on a soapbox, but I'm really just journaling my thoughts and recording a reminder for myself. If you feel the need to better yourself and live your life for someone else, then that's a bonus too. I'm sure that someone who loves you will be grateful for your thought.

After all, you can't take it with you and you're not really gone until no one remembers you. Hopefully those memories are kind.

Knit Cactus

2011-01-15T12:52:00.003-05:00

I've created my very first pattern! Don't get too excited, it's really nothing fancy. But, I've been on the prowl for a cute little knit cactus pattern and have been unable to find one that doesn't require buying a whole book. I didn't feel like doing that for one little cactus. So, I got to crafting. Here's what I ended up with:

Isn't it cute? You can make one too! I'm planning on making some more of these...if I come up with anything exciting, I'll be sure to share!

Materials, Needles, and Finishing Bits:

Lily Sugar 'n Cream 100% Cotton yarn; Worsted; Dark Pine

US 5 double-pointed needles

yarn needle

Flower-shaped Brads (found in the paper-crafting section of your local crafty store)

Polyfill

1 1/2" terra cota flower pot

Cardboard

Hot glue

Pattern:

CO 18 sts, divide evenly on 3 dpns.

Join to work in the round, being careful not to twist stitches.

Work in P2, K1 ribbing until piece measures 2".

*P2tog, K1* 6 times (1 round).

*P1, K1* 6 times (1 round).

*K2tog* 6 times (1 round).

Finishing:

Cut a short length of yarn and thread through remaining 6 stitches. Pull tight and thread through to the inside. Tuck loose ends of yarn into the cactus shape.

Choose a flower-shaped brad and insert near the top of your cactus. Stuff with polyfill.

Cut a small circle of cardboard that covers the base of your cactus and rests about half-way down your flower pot. Hot glue the base of the stuffed cactus to the cardboard round.

Place a bit of stuffing in the bottom of the flower pot. Hot glue the cardboard round into the flower pot.

Enjoy!

I feel like I need to put some statement in here asking you to please not distribute this pattern as your own or sell it for profit. Thanks.

Cream of Chicken and Wild Rice Soup, aka Heaven, in a bowl

2011-01-13T12:34:00.005-05:00

I'm on Day 3 of my quarantine with The Boy, so I've been cooking. He's got a nasty cold/cough, and I'm hoping that he doesn't spike a fever later today. Provided that he stays fever-free, we should be able to break our quarantine tomorrow. I've even been able to luck out of this with only one sick day, thanks to Snow-mageddon 2011 that dumped somewhere in the realm of 18" of snow on us.

I meant to cook on Day 1. But, that turned into a doctor's visit, a run to the drug store and grocery, a nap, a movie, and 4 loads of laundry. Day 2 was Snow Day 1. Having completed a variety of menial chores on Day 1, I just moved into the kitchen. Now that I'm up to Day 3 and Snow Day 2, I'm back to inconsequential puttering. I love inconsequential puttering. So, here's the fruit of my labors. Please note that this could be fancied up a number of ways, and I'm all for shortcuts, so I'm giving you those.

Cream of Chicken and Wild Rice Soup (aka Heaven, in a bowl)

1 medium onion

3 stalks celery

10 oz fresh mushrooms (or less if you don't love mushrooms like I do, or canned, or dried...whatever)

1 Tbsp vegetable oil

4-6 cups chicken stock

1 box wild rice mix with seasoning

1 tsp salt

2-4 tsp ground pepper

2 Tbsp butter or margarine

2 Tbsp flour

2 cups fat free half and half (or milk, or cream, or whatever)

1 can chicken

Chop the onion, celery, and mushrooms. Cook the onion and celery in a stockpot with the oil for a few minutes. Add the mushrooms and let them cook together for another few minutes. Add the chicken stock (or hot water with boullion or chicken base, like I did) and bring to a boil. Add the wild rice with seasoning packet, salt, and pepper to taste (I like pepper, so I used a little more). Simmer for 15-20 minutes or until the rice is mostly cooked. If it looks like it's getting too thick for your taste, feel free to add some more chicken stock (I like mine a little soup-ier, rather than stew-ier). In a separate pot, melt the butter and mix in the flour. Wisk in the half and half and heat the mixture until it's bubbly and has thickened. Ladle a couple of scoops of the hot soup into the milk mixture and mix it all together. Add the milk mixture to the big pot and mix. Drain and chop the chicken from the can (you could certainly use leftover chicken parts or a rotisserie chicken, or cook a chicken, or whatever). Add it to the pot, stir, and heat it through for about 15 minutes. Enjoy. Mmmmm...

15 Step Program

2011-01-06T08:58:00.002-05:00

While scrolling through my Blogroll the other night, I happened upon a link that Brenna over at Suburban Snapshots had posted. Brenna's pretty cool because she keeps it real, her kid's about The Boy's age, and she lives in NH. So, I lurk on her site. This link was to a woman named Allison's blog called Motherhood, WTF? Seriously, how could I not click?! She's also got some fabulously real parenting experiences, which I appreciate. So much of Blog-land seems to be this sugar-coated, my-life-is-awesome, see-how-cool-I-am stuff, that I truly appreciate real life stories.

With that in mind, I'm sharing the 15 Step Program that Allison at Motherhood, WTF posted. It's funny because it's true...

Thinking of having kids? Do this 15 step program first!
Lesson 1:
Go to the grocery store.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2:
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their:
Methods of discipline. Lack of patience. Appallingly low tolerance levels. Allowing their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3:
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. Eat cold food with one hand for dinner. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM. Set the alarm for 3AM. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial. Go to bed at 2:45AM. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive) Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4:
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower bed. Then rub them on the clean walls. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5:
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this – all morning.
Lesson 6:
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7:
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 8:
Get ready to go out. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9:
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10:
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 11:
Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.You are now ready to feed a nine-month-old baby.
Lesson 12:
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney Channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking, What’s ‘Noggin’? Exactly the point.)
Lesson 13:
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14:
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15:
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

I hope that this made you smile a bit because laughter is a wonderful thing. It's good to laugh at ourselves a bit. The alternative isn't as much fun.

Out with the Old; In with the New

2011-01-02T20:49:00.003-05:00

I feel like I'm supposed to reflect and resolve and all that stuff. Seems to be the thing to do around this time, I guess.

So, 2010.
I'm pretty sure that I resolved last year that we would ring in 2011 in a new home. Well, that was a fail. I'm also pretty sure that I was all gung-ho about bettering myself through the MEd program that I'd started. Fail again. I took the first term off because I was going to concentrate on selling our place. Fail. Then, I took the summer off because it's crazy. Fail. Then I took the fall off because our lives are a total shit storm. And, I'm not taking a class this winter for the aforementioned stormy reason. But, the good news is that Matt only has 2 classes left until he finishes his MBA, which he will do this year! Chalk that up on the resolving thing. We'll move that down to the 2011 chapter. I probably wanted to be healthy last year. I sucked at that. I'm a stress eater, and despite my efforts to go from my couch to a 5k, I'm definitely puffier and squishier than I was last year. Again, refer to the storm portion. I don't want this to sound like I'm just griping about 2010, because there were some good parts. We took a total kick-ass vacation with my folks, Max, and Jackie. My kid cracks me up on a regular basis. We have wonderfully loving and supportive families. We both still have our jobs and we can pay our bills and, despite our debt, we seem to be mostly stable.

Moving on to 2011.
I feel fairly certain that 2012 WILL find us in a different home. We may still own this one, but we'll be residing in a different one. Matt WILL finish his MBA, and that WILL be awesome! I'm so proud of him and this one. He's been working on it for a while now, and the growth that he's shown has been so neat. Hopefully I can resume my degree next fall. Then there's all that healthy crap that I'm supposed to do--eat less garbage, move my butt, etc etc. So, that's on there too. We will stay married another year. I feel certain of that. We will face some tough situations. We will laugh. We will cry. We will make it. I'd be lying if I said that I was all roses and sunshine and over the moon excited and optimistic about 2011, because we've got some Real Life on our horizon. But, we'll get it done.

Bring it on, 2011. We're ready for whatever you've got to bring. Almost. Sort of. Not really. But, we'll do our best.

And to all, a good night.

2010-12-27T08:43:00.002-05:00

I know that it's a couple of days after Christmas, but I wanted to post a picture. I haven't done that in a while, so here's The Boy with his Ladybug Pillow Pet. He's been lusting after this for a bit, and loves his new friend.

I hope that you all had a Blessed Christmas and wish you all the best in the New Year!

Frissmas

2010-12-19T20:24:00.002-05:00

I need to take a few moments to reflect on this season, lest it go by way too quickly and I get caught up in the chaos that is day-to-day life. I know that I'll blink and it'll be March.

For starters, I don't recall loving Christmas in recent history as much as I am absolutely adoring this season. Honestly, in order to really love parts of it, I've got to just chuck other parts of the cluster that has become our lives, but I'm pretty proud of my ability to do that in short bursts each day.

Anyway, being 3 at Christmastime must be magical. Being the parent of a 3 and watching the magic is about the greatest thing ever. He loves every minute of it with such a pure and innocent adoration and amazement that it warms my heart each day.

We put up our tree shortly after Thanksgiving and his birthday, which I have completely neglected mentioning on here. Hey, he turned 3! For real! (We had a big tractor party with his little friends, and Baba and Pimpop visited, and it was fun, and he turned 3.) He helped me hang all of the "fragiles" on the tree, and most of the ones that won't break are concentrated on one or two branches at perfect 3-year-old eye level. He put the star on the top and helped Daddy set up the train around the bottom. Then he helped Matt put up the Baby Jesus House. He thinks that Joseph is him ("That's me!"), and realizes that Christmas [Frissmas] is Baby Jesus's Birthday. We've explained that everyone gets presents on Baby Jesus's birthday. He asks to go home the "special way so we can see all the Frissmas lights" almost everyday, and exclaims, "Frissmas lights! Oooh, look at that one! That's awesome!" from his back seat viewing position. And, his visit to Santa nearly brought me to tears.

Matt had one of his holiday concerts last weekend (we could actually go to this one since we'd spent the last one in the emergency room), and Santa showed up at the end. So, Joseph listened carefully and clapped appropriately throughout the whole concert and, when the last song was finished, yelled that "Santa's here, now!" He had it all planned out: he was going to ask Santa for a pick-up truck. So, we go down to the church basement, where Santa and his elves had brought cookies and hot chocolate to share with all of us while we waited for our visit. He insisted on a chocolate chip cookie, which he refused to eat. Upon questioning, he said that it was for Santa. Everyone else in the basement was chomping on the cookies for themselves. Not this boy. He brought a cookie to Santa. He was quite wary; he's a pretty serious little kid sometimes. But, he mustered up all of his courage, and Santa was so patient and kind (a right jolly old elf) that he eventually climbed up there and explained to Santa that he wanted a red pick-up truck. When Santa sent him on his way after the requisite pictures, he got about 15 feet away and nearly burst into tears because "Santa did not give me my pick-up truck." Apparently he was expecting it immediately. We explained that Santa had to find the right truck for him and would deliver it on Christmas Eve. Choking back the sobs, he decided that would have to do. I've since learned that Santa is bringing him a red pick-up truck because red is Santa's favorite color. If I could find the stupid cord for the camera, I'd load a picture or two. So precious.

The whole gifting situation is hysterical, too. My mom took him shopping for us a couple of weeks ago. Not wanting to go to the mall or a big box store, she took him to a local little gifty shop that has all kinds of cute little things. He would have nothing of any of it because he insisted on getting us tractors. She tried to distract him with the giant cage of flying birds (yeah, real ones), but he told her after a couple minutes that, "We need to go to a different store so I can get tractors for Mommy and Daddy." No changing this kid's mind; he has the strength of his convictions. When we picked him up later that evening, he came running up to us exclaiming that, "I bought you tractors for Frissmas!"

I'm creating a Pavlovian response to the Salvation Army bell-ringers, too. We put money in the red can every time we walk past them. Every time I ask him why we're doing that, and he says that it's, "So that other boys and girls can have a good Frissmas." He does pretty well picking out gifts for other people, too. We're giving some trucks and airplanes, but they're personally chosen trucks and airplanes.

He's been such a good helper with lights and baking and shopping and cards and all that regular holiday stuff. He loves the music and the movies. I think that "Dominic the Donkey" is his favorite song, and he loves the "Polar Express Train" movie. So sweet. And (I don't even feel a little bit guilty saying this) I'm so glad that I don't have another child this Frissmas so that I can capture as many of these little moments as possible.

My short term memory is mostly goo due to the hideous amounts of sleep that I'm not getting and the fact that I've been sick since the beginning of November (I really wish I was exaggerating about that), so hopefully this brief documentation of this season will help me recall it all someday.

What are you loving this season?

Things to make you smile

2010-11-18T19:20:00.005-05:00

Joseph is convinced that labradors, as in the retrievers, are actually called leopard-dogs. We've been watching 101 Dalmations, and he gets very nervous when the dalmations dress up like labradors by rolling in the soot, and have to hurry to make it to the truck to get back to London. It's like the story is going to end differently this time...they might not make it! Ah well.

And, we were at the mall last night getting our Christmas pictures taken [because I'm feigning normalcy and competence] to beat the rush, and before our appointment at Foto Folks, we were killing some time on the silly little rides. You know the ones that cost 75 cents and move back and forth for like 3 minutes while some kid sits on it and pretends to drive? Yeah, those. Well, mom was cheaping out on the 25 cents/minute and holding out for the $2 carousel bribe ("Do you want to ride the carousel? Then you'd better do what the Foto Folk tells you to do! And smile!"), so he was just sitting on them while they were not moving.

These 5 or 6 high school kids were hanging out by the rides while we were climbing all over them and trying not to get the Pretty Christmas Shirt filthy prior to the pictures. No big deal. They had a look and attitude about them like they might not have a strict practice of making the best decisions, if you know what I mean. So, The Boy was climbing around and asking if we could turn the race car on, to which The Mom replied that, "I don't have any money, sweetie." Lies. Like I said, I was holding out for the big bribe. Well, these kids who kind of looked like they couldn't have given a crap about anyone besides themselves, start fishing around for change. One of them comes over to me with a handful of change and offers to pay for the kid's ride. I politely declined and explained the whole bribery situation, which they pretended to understand. But, it was so sweet. My heart was warmed. It was so kind and their simple gesture has stuck with me. I hope that I can remember to pass it on when it's my turn...my brain is such a wasteland these days, that might be hoping for a lot.

Oh well. Here's a cute picture. That should make you smile too. Who loves tractors?

Me 'n Paula

2010-11-02T19:50:00.003-04:00

Remember that old song "Opposites Attract"? Really it's the 'two steps forward, two steps back' thing that's running through my brain because that's how I feel like I'm living these days. It's ok; I know it is. I'm really not complaining, but some days are better than others.

Seriously, though, you should just click on the link and take a moment to remember yourself in tight-rolled acid-washed jeans, mall bangs, and waaaay too bright clothing. What's that? You don't remember wearing those things in 1989 because you were too young/not born yet? I'm sorry. You missed it. Blame your parents.

In other news, we had a nice Halloween. The Boy dressed up as a gray kitty and went trick-or-treating at Matt's school. The kids in one of the dorms decorate and hand out candy and it was cute. He wasn't real crazy about the whole experience, but we got it done. He seems to like the candy (that which won't kill him), so I guess it went well.

See how cute he was?

That's all. Now we're gearing up for the next thing...whatever that will be.

Right

2010-10-17T10:09:00.002-04:00

Again, busy...deal.

Perhaps because of this, I'm kind of starting to doubt myself for a number of reasons. I used to think that I could deal. You know...with "it." Whatever "it" was. I frequently tell myself to "get a helmet" and all that "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" bullshit. But, I might be just about "full." I'm grateful for my abilities to recognize this and am hopeful that I'll be able to act on this recognition and be able to start saying "no."

Now that the damned Star Party is done, I can breathe a little easier and move on to the next thing, at least with my job. I do, still, love my job, the people for whom I work, and the people with which I work. I feel like it's nicely predictable, too. And, the unpredictability is predictable, if that makes any sense at all. I've been in the game long enough to know what to expect, even when it's unexpected.

It's the rest of this crap that's throwing me off. I used to relish the Unknown and thrive on the challenge that the Unpredictable would present for me. The creative problem solving surrounding difficult circumstances would energize me. I've gotta tell you, though, lately it's just flat-out scaring the shit out of me. Sorry for the harsh language, but, that's about it. Matt and I have been making some tough decisions lately, and we routinely come back to what has become our working mantra: The right decision is not always the easy decision. So, we're moving forward making the right (we believe) although definitely not easy choices.

I'm going to take a moment, too, to dote on my fabulous husband. I cannot imagine a better partner and co-pilot for this journey that has become our lives. I would say that I lucked out, but I really don't think that luck had too much to do with it. We chose, and we chose wisely. And, we [hopefully] continue to make good choices. Hopefully we're teaching our spawn to make good choices, too. Let's not romanticize this too much, though. There are definitely days when I want to run away to the local pastry shop and bury my head in a vat of frosting.

But, it's ok. We're ok. It's going to work out. Welcome to our 30's. I whole-heartedly belive that this is part of the natural progression of life, and that the choices that we make along the way define who we are and our priorities. So, we're up for it. We're prioritizing, and we're going to make it. It's not going to be easy, but it will be right. Saddle up.

Busy

2010-09-30T20:38:00.003-04:00

In case you hadn't gathered, we've been busy. And school started. And the car broke. And my computer broke. Then Matt fixed the car. Then we've had something scheduled every weekend since August. Then Matt fixed my computer. And I'm planning a Star Party. And somewhere along the lines I purchased 300 glow-in-the-dark necklaces, 432 silly bands (which also glow in the dark), 72 head boppers, and 600 star stickers. Did I mention that I've been busy? Oh, and then we had an offer on our house. Then we didn't. Now we've got stuff scheduled for every weekend in October. So, we'll be busy. But, now that my computer is back (for the time being) I'm going to try to click out some drivel more than once a month...for the 10 of you that may actually read this.

Boob Tube

2010-08-30T19:20:00.004-04:00

There are a few things rolling around in my head today as I'm returning to my normal scatter-brained working mom self. But, I wanted to take a moment to confess one of my vast imperfections.

Ready?

I like TV. My kid likes TV. We watch TV. Probably too much of it. We watch it as a family, though. That should count for something, shouldn't it? In the realm of things that I could be doing to screw up my kid, I feel like this isn't at the top of the list. It's not like I'm teaching him how to weigh out a dime bag or shove merchandise in his diaper or something. We just watch TV. I even wait until he's asleep to partake of Jersey Shore. I know that I mentioned that before, but that place is just like a train wreck--you know it's a hot mess, but you just can't look away! We stick to kids programming mostly while he's up, and he really doesn't watch gobs of it.

Some of the tastiest words that I've eaten lately have involved Dora. I'm sure that I made some crack at some point about the annoyingness of Dora the Explorer and how that would never play in my home. Because, really, that "Doo doo doo doo Dora..." song is pretty friggin annoying. But, as far as kids shows go, it really isn't that bad. Actually, *gulp* I rather like it. And, Joseph likes it. It has created a couple of interesting scenarios, though.

For starters, he's going to be 3 at Thanksgiving. While he's a little chatterbox and pretty much speaks constantly from the moment he gets up until he talks his kitties to sleep at night, he sounds like a little kid. He's missing some notable sounds still (j's, l's, and k's at the beginning of words, for example) and it takes a moment for the unaccustomed ear to decipher his ramblings. One of those educational things that Dora does is infuse Spanish into her explorations. Well, considering that it periodically takes 3 repetitions of the same phrase to decipher "juice" from "shoes" (I know, you'd think that the context would be a giveaway, but "I don't want ___!" or it's partner "I want___!" can lead you astray) in English, you can imagine what this is doing to our conversations.

And, something that I just get a kick out of is when Joseph starts screaming at the TV. Dora and Boots tell him to "Say, 'MAP!'," so he does. He ends up shrieking when they tell him to say it louder. Please reference the Spanish language portion of this post to help you imagine my confusion at some of the things that they tell him to say. Perhaps the most obnoxious part is that I end up with their traveling song stuck in my head ("Come on, Vamanos! Everybody, let's go!") for hours after wards.

Then there's the part where Matt's head blows up just a little bit. I need to preface this all by saying that Matt is a great dad. But, we weren't even out of the doctor's office before he was on the phone to spread the word that "It's a boy!" He only freaked out a little bit when I put nail polish on him. It was blue, and it was just on one finger. And, when I sent him the picture of Joseph in blue high heels at the shoe store, he confessed to wearing his mom's shoes (once he stopped shrieking, I think). So, when Joseph started telling Daddy about Dory and I had to clarify that it was Dora as in The Explorer, and not Dory as in the Ellen DeGeneres fish from Nemo, his initial response was along the lines of that being a girl's show. To his credit, he never said that to Joseph and he hasn't said it again. He even brought him a Dora cup from the cookout that we were at when they ran out of juice boxes and he was thirsty for the car ride home. It has since become one of the boy's favorite cups in all of its pink and purple glory. It's fun to watch my football-loving, grease-monkey, beer-drinking, man's man of a husband swallow his pride and turn on Dora on demand for his little boy.

However it rolls, we've broadened our horizons and welcomed the Dora and Boots into our homes. Any other thoughts on that dynamic duo? Or, what do you partake of that you had previously sworn off?

Adventures

2010-08-26T21:09:00.003-04:00

This summer has been full of adventure of all kinds. Particularly, my mom and I tried to make an effort to go somewhere with Joseph each week that he would like. As you may have garnered, it's been a busy summer, so we missed a few in there, and spent a few of them on a big boat. But, I wanted to recap our assorted adventures. I've got pictures, but they're still on my camera. I'll load them up when I get a chance.

We started at Charmingfare Farm. I had heard from some friends that it was pretty neat, so we headed over there. Joseph got to ride the pony twice and we took a tractor-train ride. Other than that, it was a farm. For those of us from the midwest, this was kind of a downer. They had animals and plants. And they charged admission. Oh, and they had lynx. And the lynx cage had a very large pile of feathers in it. And two lynx kittens. That part was kind of entertaining.

Then we went to Chicago for Baby Frankie's baptism. That was an adventure all by itself! We got to go to ice cream and saw some baby ducks in a fountain, and we went to a bbq where Joseph learned how to use a squirt gun. Important life skill.

Then we went on a boat. The cruise, itself, wasn't terribly kid-focused, but I think that he had a lot of fun hanging out with all of us and going new places. He did get to play in a fountain in Germany, and that seemed like a lot of fun.

Then we came home for a few days. Then we went to Missouri for some friends' wedding. Joseph carried a very important pillow and did a very nice job. He also played a lot of cars with Baba. We swam in the pool and managed to hit the St. Louis Zoo before our flight home. The zoo was a hit. He liked the monkeys.

Then we came home, again. Then we went to the Roger Williams Zoo with some friends. He liked the elephants (eih-fants) and the goats (they were climbing on their rocks and butting their heads--he thought that was funny).

Then we went to Storyland. He didn't like the long car ride up there, but had a good time once we got there. He got to drive lots of cars and play in little houses. It was the first time that we'd all been there, and it was pretty cute.

We had two barbecue's in one weekend where Joseph got to run around with a lot of little kids and just be a little kid. Between that and some other play dates, I think that we might need to look into a little kid's golf set and maybe a little trampoline. A swing set may be in order, too, if a location can be found.

And, we probably just got home from our last summer adventure. We drove up to Lake Winnepesaukee and rode the Scenic Railroad. It was cute. Then we played Skee-Ball in the arcade and rode little kid rides. Joseph won a calculator with our tickets that he thinks is a cell phone, so he spent the ride home saying 'Can you hear me?'

So now, school starts on Monday. I don't think that I'm ready, but I'm not not ready...if that makes sense. It'll be okay and it'll be fine to get back to that routine. September is always exhausting, but we always make it.

Stay tuned!

Best Laid Plans...

2010-08-24T12:42:00.003-04:00

If there is one thing that I have learned, it is that things never go the way that you plan. This is true in so many ways, and I'm sure that you don't have to think too hard to remember the last time that you had plans that needed to be adjusted. I try not to get too worked up when I have to be flexible and roll with the punches; life is made up of the moments, and I don't particularly want to spend too many moments fretting over things that aren't going to change.

That being said, however, I get pretty ticked off when I have to work around someone else's inabilities to do their freakin' jobs. Also, a little communication goes a long way. Seriously. We're all adults, here, so why not act like them? Grr.

As I've mentioned before, we're trying to sell our home. I understand that the housing market has been in a steady decline since April despite the record low interest rates being offered by mortgage companies. I get it. We've been patient. I know that we probably missed our ideal window this past winter. Check. I also understand that the condo market is historically more fickle than the house market. Again, I get it. I appreciate a good referral from people that I trust, considering that I'm not real crazy about working with people who work on commission (on either the buying or selling end of things). But, seriously?! What are we supposed to do, give our house away to the lowest bidder? We have a child to feed, too! Do we just throw our hands in the air and keep dropping our price? How about a little communication?

I'll be ok. I'm just a little frustrated right now. Time to go partake of a little 'Jersey Shore' to make myself feel better. Don't judge, it's hysterical! ;)

What do you do to make yourself feel better when things go awry? Any words of wisdom for a trying-to-be-a-home-seller?

Everyone who has a cat also has a box of crap in their house

2010-08-20T08:13:00.004-04:00

Food for thought, isn't it. I've got all kinds of cat things. If they were bigger, they'd eat us.

Ok. So, I'm not a super crunchy hippie granola chick. My kid eats Froot Loops (which ultimately end up in his disposable diapers), my husband loves his gas-guzzling '72 Chevelle, and we love us our central air conditioning. That being said, however, we do our little parts to "Green" up our lives a bit. I bring my own bags to the grocery store, we recycle, I buy and sell stuff at our local consignment store, and I just bought this Feline Pine stuff for our beloved Charley.I read somewhere that clay cat litter (and its contents) are a surprisingly large percentage of landfills. Add to that the fact that most responsible cat owners (of which I am not particularly) scoop their cat boxes on a daily basis into those plastic bags that you get from the grocery store, and that's a lot of shit. Literally. So, I saw this Feline Pine stuff when I was at the store the other day and decided to give it a shot. I just bought the original and mixed it with the little bit of clay litter that we had left so that Charley would actually use it. I was initially skeptical because it looks kind of like hamster food, but Charley quickly gave it a test run and it seems to work quite nicely! The company website touts all sorts of environmental benefits, but I like that it's not dusty and the pieces are too big to be drug all over our house. Considering that I'm a mostly lousy housekeeper, Joseph not picking pieces of kitty litter off of his little bare feet will be a plus, too.So, cat owners, give it a shot the next time you need a bag of litter! Check out their website, and print off the coupon to try a bag for free. I tossed my receipt already, so I'll have to get the next bag for free. And, save your silly Pine Points for other freebies for yourself or someone else.

Have you tried something different lately that has been a pleasant surprise?

Favorite Thing(s)

2010-08-18T21:28:00.002-04:00

I wanted to take a moment to share one of my favorite things with you.

In case you hadn't experienced the wonder that is stoneware, you are most certainly missing out on some amazing cookware. My favorite stoneware has come from Pampered Chef. They have high quality items that cook evenly, season nicely, and are warranted for a few years.

I've got the Small Bar Pan (which fits perfectly in our toaster oven)the Rectangular Baker-white

the Rectangle Stone

and the Deep Covered Baker, that is only available to hosts due to its extraordinary popularity and amazingness.

I wish that I could offer you more than my review and persuasion, but, alas. You'll have to go buy your own. What's your favorite kitchen must-have?

Hamsterbean Winner!

2010-08-12T20:55:00.002-04:00

I know that you've all been on the edge of your seat waiting for this announcement. So, hold on to your hats.

The winner of the trio of hand-knit Hamsterbeans is:Jackie from Some people buy clothes, I buy flour...

Congratulations, and I'll be in touch ;)

Recent Obsessions, and a Giveaway!

2010-08-04T15:09:00.004-04:00

Those of you that know me know that I'm normally about a 4 on the "Give-a-shit-o-meter." It takes a lot to really get me going, unless it's something that I'm particularly passionate about. My appearance and fashion trends tend to take a back seat to, oh, making it to work on time and eking an extra 10 minutes of horizontal-ness out of my morning before the screaming starts. Why is it such a surprise that we brush our teeth and get dressed every day? 'I brush my teef yeserday, Mama!' Silly me. And, we live in New Hampshire which is not known for being at the forefront of any fashion trends that haven't been created with function in mind prior to form. This is the land of fleece and comfortable shoes. Love me them Danskos! With that in mind, I'm bringing you a few things that have gotten me pretty excited lately.

As I've mentioned before, I get hideous circles under my eyes when I'm tired, or stressed, or hormonal, or awake. And, the past few years have seen those fine lines and wrinkles become more apparent around my eyes since, as my mom says, I've been "rode hard and put away wet" for a while now. So, I treated myself to a mini facial while on the boat. It was heavenly. However, the 20-something with gobs of disposable income was quick to point out how dehydrated, uneven, and tired my skin looked. Bitch. Isn't that why I'm freakin' here? And, lets trade lives for a week and then we'll examine your skin. She even gave me a shoulder massage (despite the fact that it wasn't included in my mini facial) because it "looked like I needed it." Thanks. After she recommended over $400 worth of creams and exfoliants and masques and shit, I realized that I could probably stand to devote another 10 minutes of my day to looking less old. My traveling companions were a big help when they exclaimed, "Wow! You look a lot younger!" Wretched family. So, I'm giving this a shot. We'll see how it goes. I'd like to look less haggard. Call me in September. In the meantime, I'm spackling on the moisturizer and loading up on the eye creams and gels.

I love me a good freebie, too. Again, if you know me, you know that I'm a sucker for raffles and silly prizes. So, I was sure to enter as many raffles on the boat as I was aware of. One of those actually bore fruit, too! While we were in Stockholm, Phil, our shopping guide, sent us to this cute little store that sold Swedish crystal and Parazul. This was the first time that I'd heard about Parazul (because I don't get out much and really don't look too hard for fancy stuff), and I'm pretty much in love. Unfortunately for all of us, the shop was low on stock otherwise we probably would've left hundreds of dollars there. However, I've been doing my research online since we've been home and have found the object of my desire. I'm lusting after the black slim bag. The price tag is a bit hefty, but I managed to find a coupon code for 30% off. So, I'm just kind of torturing myself. I digress. I won a Parazul scarf in the raffle. Yeah! So, I think that the bag is a must-have. The big bag is ginormous, and I really don't need anything that big. But, I just got a coupon code for the messenger bag. Decisions, decisions.

And, speaking of freebies. Head on over to Scientific Housewife, she's got a neat giveaway going on over there.

And, speaking of giveaways, I've decided that it's time. I made a Hamsterbean yesterday, and it's possibly the cutest thing ever. So, to enter for your very own trio of Hamsterbeans, which will be created in a color palate to be determined, check out the instructions below.Here's how to enter (one entry for each thing):
1. Leave me a comment on this post. Feel free to respond to my recent obsessions, or share yours!
2. Follow this blog, or remind me that you're a follower.
3. Post this giveaway on your blog.
Good luck! This giveaway will end and a winner will be posted on August 12.

On another note...

2010-08-03T09:51:00.003-04:00

I finished my little knitting project(s)! I mentioned in my last post that we ran into some friends who were expecting little boys while we were in Chicago for Baby Frankie's baptism. They were the ones for whom I was knitting blankets. Baby S's blanket (who has since become Baby Ethan) was finished a while ago, and I had to give an incomplete blanket to Baby H (who has since become Baby Ian). Well, I finished knitting Baby Ian's blanket before we left, but I had to tie in the ends and still haven't shipped it out. Hopefully once I get my car back tomorrow I can hit the post office. At any rate, I'd like to present those finished products. I know that I posted Ethan's blanket earlier, but admire it again.And, here's Ian's blanket all wrapped up.And, then I was just in the knitting groove so I thought that I'd try a little stuffed animal. Also, Joseph got this adorable little stuffed kitty in Tallinn, so I thought that I might see if I could recreate something similar. So, here's my first stuffed knit animal. It's not big and can't quite decide if it's a bear or a mouse or a cat, but Joseph likes it and I think it's pretty cute.Now I've got to move on to quilts. Baby R is coming around Christmas-time, so I'm going to get going on his/her quilt maybe today...

Where to begin?

2010-08-02T21:41:00.004-04:00

Seriously. I'm at a loss for words. I have no idea how to begin to describe this little jaunt that we've recently returned from.

Before we headed out for the long haul, we jumped out to Chicago the weekend of the 4th of July for Baby Frankie's baptism. He's a sweet little boy and mom and dad seem to be doing pretty well. We also saw some friends whose babies were just born in the past few weeks. So, welcome to the world Ethan and Ian, and, congratulations to the proud parents! It was a nice visit and we look forward to seeing them all again soon. I've got some nice pictures of that weekend, too. I'll post those soon.

The root of all of this cruise stuff is that my folks decided a couple of years ago, or maybe last year, that they wanted to take us all on a cruise. 'Us all' consisted of Matt, Joseph, me, Max, and Jackie. And them too, of course. This summer was chosen because it seemed to fit pretty well with other timing and plans. They let us choose between this European cruise or an Alaskan cruise. We chose the European tour because the Alaskan cruise included a week of hotel-hopping as we delved deeper into Alaska, whereas the European tour allowed us to stay on the boat every night. Given that Joseph (at 2 1/2) was coming too, we decided that the same room and bed every night would be more relaxing for all of us. Decision made. Trip booked. Tickets purchased. Spending money saved.

So, we flew to Amsterdam (via Reykjavik, Iceland) on July 12 with Max and Jackie. My folks headed out there the day before. We bounced around Amsterdam for a couple of days and then boarded our ship (Celebrity's Constellation) on the 15th. After a day at sea, we docked at Warnemunde, Germany. We took a train to Rostock, Germany and had a lovely (although hot) day there. Then another day at sea, and a day in Stockholm, Sweden. Holy expensive. We decided that was what 'Stockholm syndrome' really meant. Then Helsinki, Finland. Iiro, our tour guide in Helsinki and Porvoo, was cool and taught us all about Finland. Then two days in St. Petersburg, Russia. Wow. Olga and Irina, our tour guides, helped us experience Russia. Then Tallinn, Estonia. Max wasn't going to get off of the boat in Estonia because we'd been running like crazy people for a while. But, the medieval town center was well worth it. Then another day at sea, then a day in Copenhagen, Denmark. Lisse, our tour guide, was too cool, and Copenhagen was pretty neat, too. Then a day at sea, then back in Amsterdam. We flew back to Boston on the 27th, and Matt was back to work on the 28th.

Phew.

We ate a lot of wonderful food. We drank a lot of beer...a LOT of beer, and wine, and a little Russian vodka. We took about 1300 pictures (between myself, Jackie, and my mom). And, we had an incredible time. It's so hard to choose which pictures to post, so I'm still not posting any. I'll probably inject a few from each destination once I get myself together, but I'm still kind of overwhelmed with the quantity of images. So stay tuned.

Here's a teaser of Joseph in Copenhagen. Such delicious ice cream!

And...

2010-07-28T09:06:00.003-04:00

We're back.

Phew.

16 days.
8 countries (Iceland, Holland, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Russia, Estonia, and Denmark).
Lots of food.
Lots of laughs.

Good times.

More later.

But, we're back.

Paulo Coelho

2010-07-03T12:33:00.003-04:00

If you haven't spent some time investigating Paulo Coelho and his writings, you should. I'm not typically one to discuss religion or politics with people because, let's face it, it just pisses people off. But, this guy has a way of dispensing philosophy that manages to appeal to a whole lot of people.

I'm also a fan on Facebook, which means that I get little messages that pop up in my News Feed (or whatever that is) every day. Some of them are a little kitchy, but I rather like today's: "To find your path, trust God and go ahead without asking too many questions. Mistakes happen, but you are protected (you don't believe in God? Don't worry, God believes in you)." I think that I like the last part the best. I'm pretty familiar with the whole "Let go and let God" dogma...not saying that I subscribe most of the time, but I'm familiar. But, I like the parenthetical statement a lot because it reminds me of the parental nature of a higher being. I kind of like knowing that someone is looking out for me even when I'm not.

So, like everything else in this blog: take it or leave it.

A day late. Deal.

2010-07-01T14:16:00.003-04:00

I'm slow. Sue me. Yesterday was busy.

9 years ago, yesterday, Matt and I tied the knot. It was a lovely (albeit freakin' HOT) day. We were lucky enough to be able to share the day with a respectable quantity of family and friends. 9 years later, a lot has changed. And, a lot has stayed the same. Life kind of seems to go that way: change and stay the same. I kind of like that.

Here we are 9 years ago:Aren't we cute? Like my ghetto scanner? Yeah, that's me taking a picture of a picture. Extra lame, I know. But, since we got married 'back in the day' now, our pictures were taken with film, and our album consists of an assortment of printed images in their paper housings. Old school. Just saying that makes me want to cry a little bit, but, hey, I can deal.

And yesterday:I know it's not what you were probably expecting, but it's truly a testament to one remarkable way that our lives have changed. Matt and I are still the foundation of our little family, but we have certainly become the backdrop to our more significant addition. It's all good.

We'll see where the next 9 years take us! One year at a time, though. Hell, one day at a time...

Pictures

2010-06-29T21:51:00.008-04:00

I realize that I've been a bit lacking in the "visual aide" department lately. So, I've got some pictures for you.

Joseph loves trains. We decided to take the commuter rail into Boston last week just because we could, and we enjoyed a nice day downtown.See, he likes trains.Haymarket was booming.The harbor was pretty.Joseph liked watching the people.

And, (drum roll, please) Baby Frankie's quilt is done! I wrapped up the last seams today. Joseph helped by taking the pins out, and nearly falling on his silly little head.

So, I present the front:And the back:I really like the back. It certainly isn't perfect, but it certainly isn't too bad! I hope that Baby and Mom like it :) What do you think?

Skipping Stones

2010-06-28T22:16:00.002-04:00

You know how when you skip a stone, it kind of jumps across the top of the water without really interacting with the water underneath? Then it just kind of runs out of energy and, plunk, it's gone. I kind of feel like that's how I've gone through the last week. There's been a lot of stuff going on, and there's a lot coming up. I feel like I've done pretty well at keeping a level head and trying to sequence things in order of priority, but I've got a foreboding feeling...we'll see how it all works out.

Sorry for the vague-ness. It'll all come together.

In other inconsequential news, I scored some good deals at the outlets today. That was kind of fun. And, my knee(s) *may* be on the mend. I've tried to take it easy the past few days, and they feel pretty ok tonight. Advil has been my friend. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on my treadmill sometime soon.

June is winding down. This will bring my daily blogging to a close. I'll try to be more regular than I was before. Truth be told, I've kind of enjoyed this outlet. So, we'll see how it goes.

Happy Idiots

2010-06-27T22:05:00.003-04:00

It's kind of funny the things that people remember. Everyone seems to take a different little piece out of the interactions that become life. As a teacher, I have a feeling that I've been a part of a number of these little situations and am regrettably unaware. There are interactions that I recall quite vividly, and there are a number that blur around the edges.

I'd like to share one of those more vivid recollections with you all:

When I was in college, I found myself moderately overwhelmed with the magnitude of the situations that I was in and the intensity of the interactions that I was experiencing. In short, I was a little stressed about my classes and my friends, and striking the perfect balance between them. At any rate, I remember talking to my dad about all of this while I was home during some break. He was working on something in the garage, and I was hanging out with him. This isn't something that I normally did, and I really don't know what sent me down to the garage that afternoon. But, he told me something that afternoon that has really stuck with me. He said that he's learned that there are always going to be things that you encounter in life that you can control. There are also going to be things that you encounter that you cannot control. He also said that he's a lot happier when he is able to distinguish between those things, and then control his response to the uncontrollable situations. So, when something is spinning out of control, you can do nothing but choose your reaction to that situation. And things are generally more pleasant when you choose to identify the good parts of each challenge and enjoy the ride.

My mom calls this the "Happy Idiot Syndrome," but I've found that it's brought me a lot of peace. Maybe it can help you find a little bit of peace, too.

And, if you have a specific interaction with me that has stuck with you, I'd love to know what it is!

Score!

2010-06-26T21:38:00.002-04:00

Joseph likes riding around in Papa's white truck. The thing is, though, that my folks only have one car seat, and it usually stays in my mom's car. It's kind of a pain switching it, and we like him to be safe. So, Matt and I were talking about shopping for another car seat for my dad's car. We weren't too excited about the prospect of dropping another $100 on a seat that he wouldn't use all that often. I was planning on hitting our local consignment shop (which always has some amazing things), but we had some errands to do this morning, so we started on our way.

One of our stops included the dump. We have trash pick-up in our condo complex, but they don't recycle. So, we collect and sort our own stuff and take it to the dump when the bins fill up. Our town also has a "too good to be dumped" area where people drop off things that are, well, too good to throw out. We've scored some other little things there before, and since we live in a rather well-to-do community, there's usually some pretty good stuff there. So, Matt dropped me off on his way up the hill, and what was sitting out there today? You guessed it--a car seat! It's virtually the same model that we have in my car, only a couple of years older. We brought it home, washed and power-washed it to within an inch of its plastic life, and once it's reassembled, I'm going to make sure that it hasn't been recalled. Free! Talk about re-using! I can't even tell you how happy I am about this.

I also snagged one of those Ty Beanie Buddies (the bigger ones) of a tuxedo cat for Joseph. He has this thing for kitties, and once this one got washed and dried, it was an instant friend. He's been aptly named "Kitty" and joins his other feline friends: Mee-mow (AKA Spots Mee-mow), Baby Mee-mow, and White Kitty. So, two scores!

We've taken things to the too good to dump area before, and its kind of a fun little place. You sort of feel like you're doing a good thing by helping someone else out, and you're not throwing away perfectly good stuff. One little thing for the greater good, I guess. Along these lines, I am such a freakin' fan of our local consignment shop. I've sold a lot of things there, and bought a lot of things there, too. So many things for babies and kids are so expensive, and you just don't end up using them all that much or all that long. Consignment, or straight-up hand-me-down is the golden ticket for families on a budget (which is most of us, I think). So, check it out! Or not. Either way.

A Good Day

2010-06-25T22:09:00.002-04:00

Not much exciting for you all today. But, I'm almost there on this daily blogging thing for June. You will not see the same commitment from me in July. So, enjoy it while it lasts.

Today was filled with simple pleasures. Joseph and I had a breakfast picnic where we got to watch the cat hunt the sprinklers. He's kind of dumb. The cat. Then we went to lunch with Matt and some friends who moved to Connecticut a couple of years ago. It was great to catch up with them, even though it was quick. I got new shoes this afternoon. Hopefully they help my knees. Then we just kind of chilled out at my folks' house and had dinner with them. We just sat around and laughed, and it was pretty cool.

As an aside: I was chatting with a friend the other day about ridiculous family memories and stories. We've got a handful of them from our little crew. I decided that it seemed like a lot of these silly little (and oddly memorable) stories come from family road trips. Something about confining a group of people in a vehicle for extended periods of time tends to bring people to their breaking point. Which is often hysterical. So, take a drive, you never know what may come of it!

Accomplishments, thus far

2010-06-24T20:59:00.001-04:00

So, I've been out of school for three days. It always takes a little while to adjust to the summer schedule. Before Joseph I would work, so it evened itself out pretty well. And, I would bank a little extra cash which was always nice. Since he's been around, though, I've decided to be a Mom during the summer months. It's a pretty cool job, but it takes a little while to get back into the swing of things. Also, there are all those other things that I neglect during the school year (most specifically the last couple months of school) due to sheer emotional and physical exhaustion. Those things tend to make themselves to the top of the "To Do" list. So, I present to you my accomplishments, thus far:

Baby Frankie's quilt: the back got pieced together and the whole thing pinned on Tuesday, on Wednesday I quilted the long seams, on Thursday I quilted the short seams. Friday's goal is to quilt the outside seam and iron and pin the binding (might be lofty, but we'll see). It needs to be complete by next Thursday. I can do that.
Find/request money: there happen to be little pockets of money out there that are rightfully ours. These are in the form of ridiculous retirement accounts from aforementioned summer jobs, reimbursements from health care providers, consignment store accounts, etc. None of them amount to more than $40 or $50, but, all of them combined will make some sweet highlights for my hair ;)
Picnics: Joseph has decided that he'd like to have a picnic for nearly every meal that we eat at home. So, we drag our towel outside and sit on the grass while we listen to the birds. It's pretty sweet, and I rather like it. I kind of wish that I'd thought of it!
Exercise: I've already blogged about this C25K journey...read those. I decided to walk yesterday, though, because my knees were still sore and I don't want to further injure them or fall off of this wagon. I need new shoes, I think. Oh boy, shopping! Good thing I've found all of that money!

Additional goals for the coming weeks include:

Finishing Baby S's blanket. This just involves weaving in the loose ends. A task that I kind of abhor, but still needs to be done. By next Thursday.
Knit my silly fingers to the bone on Baby H's blanket. I'm making progress, but am still not quite there. I'd love to be done with this by next Thursday, but I don't see that happening. Unless I get a knitting elf.
Keep moving my lazy ass on this C25K thing. I've just got to keep going. I haven't lost any weight (for a whole variety of reasons, I'm sure...most obviously I probably put too much into my damned mouth), but I feel better and I think that my weight is moving itself around. Hard to tell, but I'm hopeful.
Keep Joseph social. Personally, I'm kind of a home-body. It's a darned good thing that my job makes me socialize, otherwise I might be a hermit. But, I know that Joseph needs the interaction, so we're going to try to keep him interacting with an assortment of people.
I love sewing, so I think that I might like to make something else once I finish Baby Frankie's quilt, but I'm just not sure what. Suggestions? I'm open.
Appreciate the moments. Lest I wax too philosophical, here, I'll just say that I'm pretty sure that life is made up of the moments. It's easy to get distracted by all of the other crap, but I really do try to step back and take a snapshot of what's going on and just love it for its simple pleasure. I like to think that I'm not so bad at this, either. Which (I also like to think) is what helps to keep me sane and rather enjoying myself and my lot in life.

So, there you have it. Accomplishments and more goals. What are yours?

C25K

2010-06-23T21:47:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I'm doing this Couch-to-5K thing. I've done 6 "workouts." I decided to do the first week's cycle for two weeks for a couple of reasons. The Week 1 routine involves a 5 minute warm-up, 20 minutes of 1-minute-run and 90-second-walk, and a 5 minute cool-down. 30 minutes total. Like I've said, I'm slow. And, I want to be successful, so I'm trying not to go crazy; I'm trying to moderate myself.

In anticipation of my Week 2 schedule which is supposed to begin tomorrow, I was running a little bit longer because I felt like I could and should. So, the past two times, I've done my 20 minutes of 75-second-run and 75-second-walk. I feel pretty good when I'm done, actually. Which is so damned annoying--it means that the exercise is really good for me and that my body can deal with it.

As an aside, I've done the past two walk/runs to freakin' preschool tv, which has really sucked. My little friend likes to hang out with me, and PBS Sprout or the freakin' Disney Channel entertain him while he keeps asking me, "Mama, what 'cha doin'?" pant pant "Running." "Oh, runnin'." Handy Manny and freakin' Max and Ruby are not cutting it for me. I find myself wanting to die for a whole other reason.

But, my knees really hurt. Last night I could hardly go up and down stairs. I iced them last night, and have felt much better today, but I'm scared to do my routine tomorrow morning. I don't want to skip one and fall off the wagon, but I really don't want to hurt myself.

Help! This is all pretty new to me, so I would love some advice.

Graduation Cogitation

2010-06-22T16:49:00.003-04:00

I promised more cogitation from graduation, and I think that I'm ready for that. But first, if you're so inclined, head on over to Tri-ing My Hardest! Carly's got another giveaway, and you could be the big winner this time!

Ok, I've been to my fair share of graduation ceremonies. I try to go every year, and I've got to say that our graduation this year was just wonderful. It went quite smoothly and the only hideousness was the wretch sitting behind us with her horrible air horn that she felt she needed to blow on a semi-regular basis. We were about to go all Teacher on her ass and tell her that she could pick it up after the ceremony was over. But we wussed out.

All of the addresses were fabulous (and free from air horn). What makes them fabulous is that I remember them! Seriously, how many graduation speeches do you actually remember? Our principal spoke about what a genuinely nice class this year's class was: how kind and thoughtful and selfless they are, and how they give us all hope for the future. He was 100% correct, and quite eloquent. Our salutatorian spoke about influences: how we are all influenced by those around us, and how we influence those around us. She encouraged us to be aware of this and be sure to make a good influence. Our valedictorian spoke about education: the importance of global education and our responsibility to be educated global citizens.

We have a special student speaker each year, and this year's speaker told us about his experiences moving here from his village in Africa. He made sure to thank all of the people that had helped him get where he is, and recognized that he will never be able to thank them enough. Instead, he told us all to "pay it forward" and to take a day to celebrate accomplishments, but to get back to work tomorrow to make the world a better place and help those who can't always help themselves. The senior class president spoke about (basically) making new friends and keeping the old, although she put it out there in the form of stamp collections.

I think that what I liked the most about all of the speeches is that they were all very un-self-centered. It seems that the tendency with graduation speeches is to talk about yourself and how you got to be where you are and how hard you've all worked and how great you all are. This wasn't like that at all. The general theme seemed to be along the lines of: "Nice job, this is just the beginning, though. Get out there and make a difference. Make the world a better place." I think that I particularly appreciated this because this kind of tends to be my credo. I'm not so sure how I'm doing with it sometimes, but I'm sure that time will tell. And, I know that there are some absolutely amazing students in the Class of 2010 that have the potential to be fabulously productive and positive influences to those around them.

So, go get 'em! I'll be your cheerleader, if you need one.

Beer Me.

2010-06-21T21:24:00.001-04:00

Seriously.

2009-2010 is in the books.

Done.

I'm wiped.

40, and Dads

2010-06-20T21:34:00.004-04:00

Happy Anniversary, folks. 40 years. Who would've thought, huh?

It's been a pretty hectic weekend. Did anyone notice that I missed yesterday? I didn't really think so. I need a bit of time to process the day's events, so I'll have to get back to you on all of this. In the meantime, Happy Father's Day. Here are a couple of pictures of a couple of great dads. I couldn't find any pictures of Pim-pop (Matt's dad), but he's a great dad, too. Love you guys!

Self Image

2010-06-18T18:33:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about self-image a little bit, lately. I'm guessing that I won't have fabulously complete thoughts on this topic, but I kind of feel the need to put some thoughts down.

I should probably preface this by saying that I've taken exactly 2 courses in psychology: PSYCH 101 (that I kind of slept through because it was at 6:30 at night in this nice warm, dark lecture hall with really comfortable chairs...) and ED PSYCH which focused more on the history of educational methodology and all that stuff--Maslow, Gardner, and friends. Significantly less comfortable chairs.

Anyway, is this one of those things that we come with? Do our circumstances and our surroundings contribute to our self perception? Nature vs. Nurture...the age-old debate, I guess. Which means that I'm probably not going to be terribly insightful on this. Perhaps some of you out there with more psychological expertise than I would be interested in chiming in?

I guess one of the reasons that I've been thinking about this is that I am always amazed when fabulously talented, kind, intelligent, driven people are self-defeating. Then, there are stupid, manipulative, lazy-assed jerks who are pretty sure that they're God's gift to creation and the best at everything. I encounter a lot of people, and people seem to be like this when they're 5, 35, and 65. How does this work?

Maybe what I'm really coming down to is that it might be interesting to be able to see yourself as others do. I know that everyone isn't going to have the same opinion, and my mom has always said, "If everyone likes you, you have no character." So, maybe that wouldn't be terribly helpful. I don't know.

Like I said, I don't have a lot of insight on this, but I'm interested in the conversation. What do you think?

Three Things Thursday

2010-06-17T20:24:00.002-04:00

I'm not quite sure where this comes from, but it seems to be a regular feature on a few blogs. And, I'm preferring it to the prompt that nablopomo.com has offered for today: If you could take a train journey through any part of the world, where would you go?

1. I've successfully completed 4 rounds of my C25K routine. The ladies at school and I decided that we were going to start our little adventure today. So, I decided that another week on the Week 1 schedule probably wouldn't be the worst thing for me and my jiggly self. Although it's kind of difficult to drag myself upstairs to get on the treadmill, I want to die a little less each time. I guess that's a good thing.

2. I think that I've found surrogate homes for my school pets for the summer. Matt will be taking my beta fish to work. I'm not so concerned about the fish. I've gone through...a lot of them. I'm not terribly attached to him, but my students like having something to look at on my desk. My turtle, Waldo, and his fish friend, Lucky (so named because he hasn't been eaten yet), *should* be moving in with their turtle-sitter tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about this one, but I think that they'll be okay with Nick. I usually take the whole setup home, but it just isn't in the cards for this summer. Waldo is 5 (?) years old, and the fish has made it for a year. Again, not so concerned about the fish, but I'm rather attached to the turtle. We'll see how it goes.

3. Last night was our awards night at school. There were a whole bunch of juniors and seniors that were honored for their outstanding achievement in various academic endeavors. It was great to see everyone again and see them get some recognition for their hard work. And, I got to chat with a few former students who were there supporting their younger siblings, too. It was a fabulous (albeit long) evening.

Eye Makeup

2010-06-16T14:15:00.003-04:00

Thank you to all of you who've left comments, especially about the music stuff. And, yes, Carly, that is most certainly Crazy Pam ;) Angie--the legend lives, and I listened to Neil this afternoon just for you. I really enjoy the feedback!

A while back (probably a couple of years ago, now) my dad asked me about this new eye makeup that I was wearing. Those of you that know me, know that I'm not real big on makeup, and most likely wouldn't be trying out new eye makeup to visit my parents. Turns out, he was referring to the enormous dark circles under my eyes that had developed as a direct result of the sleep that I wasn't getting.

He asked about my eye makeup again this past weekend. Still nothing new. Still lack-of-sleep circles. Needless to say, I'm a little tired. It'll get better. Next week.

I was so out of it this morning that I actually drove right past my turn to get to school, and didn't even realize that I'd missed it until two lights later. I can honestly say that I've never done that before. I'm even, currently, staring at my computer screen with my eyes going in and out of focus. I'm reasonably certain that I'm spelling things correctly since I can type...but, wow, am I tired.

And, tonight is going to be a long night. I'm presenting the science department award to a deserving senior this evening at our awards ceremony, and I was invited to stay for the whole thing by students who would like to share their accomplishments. I'm hoping to be home by 9.

In the meantime, I'm avoiding writing and copying another final exam. I'm hoping to be able to sneak out to Target (for graduation cards and possibly a gallon of concealer) and Panera (for dinner) within the next couple of hours. I'm considering caffeinating. That makes me a little nervous, though, because I do want to sleep later tonight, and I'm not used to the afternoon jolt. I may rely on nervous energy to get me through.

Bleh. Enough of this stream of consciousness blabbering. Catch you tomorrow!

2 things: a win and some songs

2010-06-15T20:41:00.004-04:00

1. I WON!! A major award! A major award! Well, maybe not a major award, but I still won! Carly over at Tri-ing My Hardest had a giveaway a little bit ago, and I won! Can you tell I'm excited? I'm super-pumped. All of the little bits will be wonderfully appreciated in the coming weeks. Thanks!

2. In my 13 minute drive from school to day care today, this song came on the radio while I was flipping around. Not that version, the real one. I found myself singing along and thinking of my friend Ryan. James Taylor and lilacs make me think of Ryan too. I'm not sure if he even knows why ;) At any rate, it got me thinking about how there are quite a few songs that bring about memories of specific people or specific circumstances.
I'm presenting a few for your consideration:

Smash mouth's All Star never fails to elicit a smile and thoughts of Susan, who is my all-time All Star!
I caught the end of Pearl Jam's Better Man today also. That song evokes slightly different emotions, and an old slam from Pam.
Los del Rio's Macarena makes me remember Angie. There are no less than 85 songs that make me think of Angie, but this one always makes me laugh...short story: we used to go bowling in college at Inman's Lanes and one evening Angie and I plugged the juke box with the Macarena no less than 4 times in a row. Friggin hysterical. We cracked ourselves up.
Seriously, 85 songs make me think of Angie. Like this one. And this one. We lived together for two entertaining years in college, and she always had some fabulous music playing.
Moving on, Alice Cooper's School's Out never fails to remind me of Ben. No one could pound that drum like Ben, baby. In that ass-ugly rugby shirt that we had to wear...
Slightly less flatteringly, The Weather Girls' Its Raining Men makes me think of Scott. I think that had to do with Ben, too, but that song's all Scott.
And, I would probably be remiss to neglect my dearly beloved. In the 12 years that we've been together, we've had a varied soundtrack, but Van Halen's Love Walks In warms my heart every time.
There are probably at least 20 more songs that I could list out here, but I'm going to stop with these

Then, I realized that all of these songs and memories (the ones that I've listed here, anyway) are from college. I've got a pretty substantial list from high school too. However, in the years since then, I've run a little lean. I was trying to figure out why that was. I mostly think that I just don't listen to as much music as I did then. Most of my time is taken up doing things, and the soundtrack has taken a back seat. I miss it. So, I'm going to try to be more intentional about what I listen to, and see if I can't broaden my horizons some more.
I like suggestions, so, please suggest!

Things I am not...

2010-06-14T19:31:00.003-04:00

There are a number of things that I am. I am a variety of different things to different people. Sometimes I feel like I must be all things to all people. Those times are a little overwhelming...

Of all of the things that I am, an athlete is not one of them. I'm not terribly coordinated. I'm good with small motor things (knitting, needlepoint, etc), but gross motor is not one of my strong suits. I'm slow. Wow, am I slow. I like to think that I'm quick-witted, but my legs are another story. I don't like getting hurt, so that pretty much takes all contact sports out of the question. I like playing things like softball or tennis, but please refer to the slow part...I'm not so good. I like skiing, but that's mostly a physics thing...gravity and controlled falling, and all that.

I've tried to stay in moderately functional 'shape' over the years. I can walk until the cows come home. Give me a comfortable pair of shoes, and I can walk you under the table. When I got pregnant, however, I kind of stopped. I felt like garbage for the first few months, and then I felt fat. Then I was tired. Excuses, I know. But, I was growing a person, and that apparently required a lot of energy. Then after Joseph was born, he was itty bitty. Then there were more excuses. Now he's 2 1/2 and I'm about ready to take control again.

I've been feeling squishy lately (like for the past 2 1/2 years), so I'm *finally* trying to do something about it. I'd like to lose some weight, and I know that I need to just be healthier. I've had high cholesterol since forever. And high blood pressure, thyroid disease, and type II diabetes run in my family. So I know that I need to be smart about that, too. I've never been a 'gym' person. I'm easily intimidated by the people who actually know what they're doing. I worry that my jiggling will hurt their concentration, or something.

I managed to find my way to this site, however, with a little bit of encouragement from one of the other moms at Joseph's day care. She started this program when her new baby was 6 weeks old. I decided that if she could do this, I most certainly could do this too. I've completed the first two days without dying. I've been doing this on my treadmill, which I know is less enjoyable and productive than outside, but I like the convenience. I've even managed to rope in a few of the other ladies at school. I needed people to hold me accountable, so I've got workout buddies. Just saying that makes me want to vomit a little bit. But, it's what I need. I'm even setting a short term goal for myself: after 10 sessions, I'm going to buy myself some article of clothing.

I'm not sure about actually running a 5K. I've never been able to run more than a mile and a bit in one sitting ever before in my whole life. But, I figure that I'll give it a shot. It'd be pretty cool if all of us science-y ladies could find some charity event in the fall or something. We'd make t-shirts and could be slow together. You're all welcome to offer encouragement and accountability. Don't nag. Encourage. I'll try to keep you posted.

6 days.

2010-06-13T20:29:00.002-04:00

Total.
3 days of classes.
2 days of exams.
1 day of makeup.
Ahhhhhhhh....

Provided that my brain can complete some coherent thought not relating to how DONE with school I am, I'll have something more intellectual for y'all later this week.

Boy Pics

2010-06-12T19:42:00.000-04:00

For your viewing pleasure, I present: The Boy.
He got this dump truck for Easter last year, and it was an instant hit.It's still one of his favorite trucks.And, we bought a cat bed for Charley not too long ago. Of course, the cat wants nothing to do with it. But, Joseph thinks that it's pretty neat. It's nice and soft, so I think that's part of the attraction.Mr. Flexibility. Yikes. He wanted to take it to bed with him.

16 Year-Old Self Prompt

2010-06-11T19:49:00.003-04:00

Yesterday's writing prompt from nablopomo.com was "If you could go back in time and meet your 16-year-old self, what three things would you tell yourself?" This got me thinking, which, I know was the point. Today's is "Tell us about your first kiss." And, that was just an embarrassing mess on Amy F's back porch at the end of eighth grade. So, no.

My first response was glib (to the advice prompt): don't get fat. So, I asked some friends what they would say (cop out, I know). One had some very sage advice, given what the following years would bring for him: things are about to get really tough, like nothing you've ever experienced before. But just know it's temporary. Matt said: get contact lenses. We talked about it a bit at lunch today, and I don't think that anyone actually came up with any real answers. We were speculating about what we should tell our 16 year old students, now, so that they don't end up in jail or on welfare, but we kind of avoided our personal situations.

I mulled over this for a while and decided that it struck me that one of the messages behind this prompt is the idea of regret for choices that we've made along the way. This bothered me. While I certainly think that I probably could have made different choices, I don't regret them. Periodically I wonder how things would have been different if I'd chosen another path, but I don't harp on it because that's not what's happened. Those choices are done and out of my control, so I'm not going to waste energy worrying about what's done.

I came up with a realistic, "Get to know your grandmothers better." I still had two of them at that point, and they're both gone now. I couldn't really think of too much else. "Keep your nose clean, and stay in school" just aren't realistic. I've got the cleanest, most boring 'nose' ever, and I've clearly never had an issue about staying in school. I might advise about the influence of toxic people in my life, but I've managed to deal with them pretty well, too. So...I've basically got nothing. No regrets, it's all good, I think.

Lame-ing Out

2010-06-10T20:28:00.003-04:00

Sorry. I'm lame-ing out today. Is that a word? Would it be laming? I feel like, no. Lameing? Again, not really. Must not be a word. Good. I bring you a new word today.

Verb
to lame out
Infinitive: to lame out; third person singular: lames out; simple past: lamed out; present participle: laming out
(slang) To fail to do something because of lameness, inability, lack of desire, lack of motivation, or all of the above.
1. She said she was going to write something witty and coherent, but she lamed out at the last moment.

Inspiration for this post found here.

Dumped

2010-06-09T11:28:00.003-04:00

I got dumped today. I've known that this was coming, and the whole process will take a little over a week to completely wrap things up, but I'm getting dumped. Today was my seniors' last full day of classes.

As I've mentioned, I love my job. Part of the reason that I love my job is the fabulous people for whom I work, as I've mentioned before as well. My students ROCK! Which is what makes this time of year hurt. It's a bittersweet emotion because I know that they're doing what they're supposed to do; it would be sad if they didn't move on. But, I love them, and I'm going to miss them.

Just like with any successful relationship, in order for the teacher-student relationship to be productive and healthy, both people need to be invested in its success. Most of the time the students understand what their end of this bargain entails, but sometimes we need to help them a little more to do their part. And, just like with other relationships, sometimes this is a constant challenge. It, absolutely, takes two people for things to come together, and neither person can do it on their own. However, the teacher (as the responsible adult) is typically expected to shoulder most of the burden and has a certain responsibility to each student to meet their individual needs. And, each student has different needs, so each relationship ends up being a little different. Again, as in other relationships, there are some that work better than others; some are more fun, some take a higher priority, some make you angry, some make you laugh, some make you want to cry, and some make you want to scream. Some warm your soul, some raise concerns, some are energizing, some are exhausting, some make you hopeful, and others break your heart. Some are admirable, and some are infuriating. And, every day is a new day.

But, it's amazing. In order to do what we do, most teachers jump in with both feet: we get wrapped up in these relationships and we long for them to reap rewards for the student. We worry about them when we're not in school, we think of them while we drive around, we think of alternatives in the shower. Their successes are our successes; their failures are our failures. We want them to succeed. All of them. We're not perfect: we say the wrong things, we do the wrong things, we lose stuff, we screw up lessons, we get mad, we get tired, we get slow. But, we keep going. And, for 9-10 months out of the year, we do the best that we can for each of our students (hopefully).

And then we get dumped.

Like I said before, it's ok. Really. We know it's coming, and it's the right thing to happen. We want them to move on. It's that good old, "If you love something, let it go..." Sometimes they come back, and that's amazing. Sometimes they don't, and that's ok too. It happens every year, and it'll happen next year too. It also won't make me love next years' class any less. It's a good hurt, and I'm glad to feel it. It means I've done my job.

Guilt

2010-06-08T12:57:00.002-04:00

I understand that guilt is one of those things that no one but I can impose upon myself. That hasn't made me feel any better.

At Joseph's last pediatrician appointment, he measured up at the 7th percentile for weight and 17th for height. While this may still strike you as low, these are both up from his previous appointment. He'd been measuring consistently in the 4-5th percentile for both height and weight since he's been about 6 months old. He's a little guy. And, food has been kind of a challenge for us since he's been about 8 months old. I'm sure that I've blogged about it all, but GERD and assorted food allergies have made us rather food-conscious. I don't particularly want to raise a kid with weird food perceptions, so I try to stay pretty low-key about what he chooses to eat and what he doesn't. Mostly what he chooses not to eat. And, he's managed to grow! Yeah!

He is a rather picky eater, though. A friend at school has a two year old who eats everything and anything. Not my boy. So, his doctor recommended getting stricter on the dinner options and adopting the "if you don't eat this, there isn't anything else" motif... figuring that he'll eventually get hungry enough to eat something new. Well, for the last two nights, he's opted for nothing. Seriously. Nothing. I'm worried because I don't want him to get used to not eating dinner, and I don't want him to lose weight or miss nutrients. But, he's got to broaden his palate. Urgh. I felt terrible putting him to bed last night with an empty tummy. Again. And, I continued to feel bad this morning, and have continued to worry about him today. I'm sure he's fine. I'm just crazy.

And, it doesn't help that this has been a particularly difficult day for an assortment of other reasons. My students have finally lost their minds. I was waiting for this shoe to drop, and drop, it has. We're all on edge. School cannot end soon enough. Everyone is just cranky and its just not so much fun today.

Not wanting to end on a sour note, though: two former students dropped by today and it was great to see them. They've just finished their first year at Boston schools and seem to be enjoying themselves. It was great to chat for a bit and get caught up. So, that was good. Tonight is another night. Maybe we'll have hot dogs. He likes those...

Gratuitous Prettiness

2010-06-07T12:53:00.004-04:00

It's spring. The flowers are blooming. It's colorful. I took these pictures on Saturday while we were all taking refuge from our Open House at my parents'. George and Ira love the Honeysuckle. George and Ira are the hummingbirds that have claimed my parents space; they hum because they don't know the words. One of them scared the heck out of me (I think it was George) the other day while I was sitting on the deck...they sound like mutant bees, and I was sitting with my back to the Honeysuckle.
Joseph and I planted a couple more perennial geraniums for my mom for Mother's Day a couple of weeks ago. Incidentally, I got bitten by some nasty little ants who decided to climb up my leg and chew on it on their way up. Unpleasant. Joseph enjoyed throwing rocks (nearly missing my mom's face) and digging in the dirt, though.
Their peonies are blooming too. They're so pretty, but I couldn't get a good picture of them. I like the way they smell, too. Actually, one of my favorite thing about peonies is that they won't open unless these little ants eat the waxy coating off of their blooms. Symbiosis. I'm a nerd, I know. Admit it, it's one of the things you love about me. :)

I tend not to have much of a green thumb. I like houseplants, and have a fondness for some of them that I've had for quite a while. I don't mind getting or being dirty, but I'm not real crazy about bugs (unless they're just eating waxy stuff off of pretty peonies). I understand their purpose in our ecosystem, I just don't want to touch them. I also understand the importance of gardening with children. So, someday (hopefully soon) when we've got our own yard, I look forward to growing stuff of my own.

Control and Cleaning

2010-06-06T13:52:00.003-04:00

In case you couldn't tell, I kind of like the feeling of control. Again, maybe it's the oldest child thing, maybe it's a Virgo thing. I don't know, but I like feeling that I've got at least some semblance of control over my life. Recently (most specifically, within the past 3 years), I've felt that control slipping away. I'm enjoying the ride, but it's a difficult adjustment.

I was one of those people who, when feeling particularly stressed, cleaned to regain some feeling of control over my surroundings, if not my situations. My college roommates would always know when I was tense. Our room would be immaculate. Once I figured out what I was actually doing, I didn't know if other people did the same thing. But then a student a pile of years ago (John W) was saying how he was cleaning his room the night before because he felt like the stresses of senior year were weighing him down. I told him about my college cleaning, and we both felt better :)

I'm also an introvert. What that really means is that I get energized, excited, and find peace when I'm alone. A lot of people don't get this. My extrovert husband, for example, I think has kind of a hard time with this sometimes. You other introverts out there know what I'm talking about. It isn't that I don't love people (refer to previous post), and it isn't that I don't like other peoples' company. It's just that I desperately need time by myself to sort myself out. Most days that consists of a 20 minute drive to work and a 10 minute drive to pick up the boy from day care. I like my morning radio show, so that doesn't help much. I've learned to deal with this, but I really like more than that from time to time.

Yesterday we had an open house that we learned was happening 26 hours before the actual event. Our house was a total sty. Seriously. Disgusto. And, I wanted to go see my students all dolled up at their senior prom on Friday night. And, Matt had to work an event all day yesterday. So, we tag-teamed it, and got it done. My folks picked up Joseph yesterday morning and took him for breakfast and errands, too, so that I could polish it all up. I ended up with about 4 hours by myself in my own house. Heaven. I put Bon Jovi on the stereo and rocked my socks off while prettying my little cave. Aerosmith helped me finish things off, and I remembered how good it feels to listen to energizing music and take back my space.

So, for a few precious hours yesterday, I remembered what it felt like to be that introvert taking control of my surroundings back. It was a good feeling.

Ages and Stages

2010-06-05T17:29:00.004-04:00

You know what they say about friends: they come into your life for ages and stages. I've been thinking about this lately, too. You get the idea that I've been thinking a lot lately? This is nice for me, I'm enjoying it.

I think that I've mentioned this before, but I'm one of those people who prefers to surround myself with a small group of dear friends than a whole pile of people that I don't feel that close to. My mom has always said that if you can count your true friends on one hand, then you're a lucky person. I kind of think of these people as the ones that you can call at 2 in the morning, they'll actually answer the phone, listen to you cry, talk to you if you need it, come and pick you up from some gross place, or wire the money to bail you out of jail. You know, like family.

The fact of the matter is that these relationships take time to build. Honestly, given those qualifiers, I've got maybe three besides Matt, my folks, and other family members that I know would do what they could for me. I think that Matt's got about three too. I used to have more, or maybe they were just different, but, like I've said before: life happens. Maybe I'll have more sometime again. There are certainly people that I would like to be closer to, and maybe I will be under the right circumstances, but again, that darned life gets in the way. Jobs, geography, children, and other choices limit the time that we have to invest in these kind of relationships. I truly believe, though, that a good chunk of life is about who you spend it with...probably part of what makes me love teaching.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that there are quite a few people who have earned a spot in my heart. I'm guessing that some of them have no idea the effect that they've had on my life, and that's ok. I suppose that some people have carved out a bigger piece of my heart based on the ages and stages that we've shared. But, I've certainly got room for more and I will proceed with cautious optimism (one of my favorite phrases) as I move through this journey of life. There's plenty of room for anyone who wants to join me :)

Crossroads

2010-06-04T11:36:00.008-04:00

We've all been here. And, incidentally, if you don't own this, you should.

I think that this has been on my mind lately because I've seen a little pile of former students recently. 5 in the last week (2 the week before, 3 next week...). And, it's so interesting to see how they've dealt with the choices that they've encountered. Specifically, of the five former students that I saw last week, 3 of them made or are making pretty significant changes in their course of studies to more appropriately align them with reasonable and enjoyable goals. And, at least 2 of them are trying to decide where to go next. I've got to say, I really admire the choices that they've made and paths they have chosen. They sound like fun and challenging routes, and I think that they'll all do well.

I was one of those kids who knew that science had to be my life. I didn't really know how, or in what capacity, but it had to be science. I thought it would be medicine. I was wrong. So, I changed my mind, too, and have never looked back (at that choice, anyway). If someone had told me when I graduated from high school that I would be a high school teacher, I would have laughed them out of the room. But, things happen, and choices get made, and I feel pretty certain that I've made the right ones for me as that is concerned. Hopefully I don't suck at it...that'd be a bummer.

That certainly doesn't mean that there aren't other choices that I look back on and wonder what it would be like if I had chosen a different path. I guess that's just got me thinking lately. All of these young adults have long roads ahead of them, and they get to choose which pathway they'll be taking. Perhaps I'm a little nostalgic as I realize that my road is a little bit shorter, and some of the turns that I've taken along the way have certainly lent themselves to some different scenery. Not that I don't enjoy the view, don't get me wrong, I just wonder what the other roads look like. Which is another cool thing about my job: I get to hear about the journeys that other people take, if they want to tell me and our paths cross or run together. And that's pretty neat, too.

Sometimes it's okay to look at the pictures and not swim with the dolphins.

Simple Joys

2010-06-03T10:45:00.003-04:00

For those of you tuning in so that you can delve into the depths of my mind and soul, today will be a disappointment, maybe. I'm kind of tired, it's sticky, and I'm getting a little self conscious. I like to trust people with the 'real me,' but I get kind of wary because I'm never quite sure if people will like what they see. There's probably a whole lot of therapy waiting to happen with that situation. Maybe sometime later. It's also hard to develop coherent thoughts in the moments of adult time that I have during the day, and I just don't have these conversations all that much anymore. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't. Life happens.

So, I'm taking the opportunity to tune you into some of the things that bring me simple joys. I like simple joys.

Carly (who happens to be one of my former students and should be considered to be a part of the aforementioned group of kick-ass students) has scored some amazing freebies through her blog, and now she's sharing the wealth by hosting a giveaway of favorite summer items. Check it out. She's cool. She runs, and learns, and wants to teach, and she's getting married!! She's got her stuff together. Impressive. Way to go, Carly!

Jackie (who happens to be my sister-in-law and just generically cool irregardless of the fact that she married my brother) has been posting some freakin' amazing recipes on her blog. She's into Oreos lately, and posted a recipe for Oreo Cheesecake bars that sounds to-die-for. It's a good thing that I don't have a food processor, or I would have been forced to make (and eat) this deliciousness.

Speaking of recipes, I found this little gem on another blog that I follow. I never would have thought to mix watermelon with balsamic and feta, but it sounds heavenly. Once I decide to start grocery shopping and cooking again, I'm going to have to put this one together.

And, music, in general, tends to bring me simple pleasures. One of my classes has been listening to music while they work in the lab these last few weeks, and Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind was on the playlist today. That song just always makes me smile. It came out in the spring/summer of 1997 which happened to be the summer after my freshman year of college. That was a particularly suck-tastic summer for a whole variety of suck-tacular reasons, and that song got me through. For whatever reason, it just made me smile and kind of empowered me. It still makes me smile because I know that I made it through that suck-arific summer, and things got better.

What are your simple joys?

Let's do the Time Warp Agaaaaaaaain!

2010-06-02T11:06:00.004-04:00

The prompt for today (on nablopomo.com) is "What's your favorite poem?" Which (pardon me) I think is kind of dumb, but I'll play along: The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert W. Service. Although the story is a bit...grim, my parents paid me $20 to memorize it when I was 7. And I have fond memories of learning verses in the bathroom and reciting it to my dad over a chocolate malt at Mullen's Ice Cream Shop. Done.

Now, I'd like to write about this Time Warp that is my profession. For starters, whenever I mention a time warp, I feel the need to give Brad and Janet a nod. It's just a jump to the left.

I've been teaching high school since 2001. I started right out of college and have had the same job since then. When I started (at the age of 22...I turned 23 shortly after school started), my students were anywhere from 16-18 years old. Now that I've been teaching for a while, I'm 31, and my students are still anywhere from 16-18 years old. I don't feel remarkably older than the 23 that I was when I started. I know that I am, and I can tell in the way that I do my job. There are other tell-tale signs, too. I'm squishier. I've got a kid, gray hairs, and little lines around my eyes. I've also given up the little GT coupe (to my husband) in favor of the practical SUV.

Maybe I don't know what it's supposed to feel like to be 31. My mom always said that I was "3, going on 30," implying that I was an old soul, or beyond my years, or whatever you'd like to call that kind of personality. Now that I'm 31, does that make me like 61? What does that mean, anyway? Is it a Virgo thing? Any astrologists out there? Is it an oldest child thing? Any birth order experts out there? Is it just me? I kind of feel like it is, sometimes.

Where I'm really going with this is that age is one of those bizarre things that I feel like people put way too much stock in. Just because I'm 31, I don't feel like that precludes me from having friends that are 39. Or friends that are 25. Good friends. I think that since I've been out of the school structure (as a student, that is), I've found more peace with this idea. I've always kind of felt like the square peg, and it means a lot to me to find good people that I care about, have something in common with, and that care about me, regardless of the number of times they've gone around the sun.

I don't know, maybe it's just that time of the year. The school year is almost over, and my seniors are graduating. Pages are turning. I know that teachers are supposed to say that we don't have favorite students, but that's a total load. I have a pretty short list of all-time favs, and I guess that I'd just like to think that it's ok for us to be friends as adults. Does that seem weird? Maybe that's just what's got me thinking...I don't want it to be weird because it's kind of rare that I really feel like people understand the way that my twisted little mind works, and if I can help someone else be a little more comfortable in their skin, it seems like that should be ok.

I'd love some feedback if you're so inclined. And, if not, feel free to think strange things about me. I'm ok with that, I guess.

NaBloPoMo, again

2010-06-01T09:25:00.003-04:00

I made it once before, so I'm going to give it a go again. I've had a lot on my mind, and I think that National Blog Posting Month will give me the motivation to cultivate and produce coherent thoughts. Their general theme for the month is "NOW," which conveniently works pretty well with what's been coursing between my ears. So, saddle up. Or not.

I'm pretty sure that most people don't care about what I write on here. I started this whole blog thing to be a place that family and friends from around the country could come to see how our little family is growing and changing. While I kind of stay close to that from time to time, this has mostly turned into a place for me to journal my random musings. I've been a journal-er since I was about 10 and got my first little diary from Sarah T when my family moved out of Watertown. It was red with a little lock on the side and had a date for each page. I did pretty well, and realized that journaling was a good way for me to process my thoughts and feelings. I've had a lot of thoughts and feelings lately, and I think that this will really help me put it all together. So, I guess that I'm opening a little window for you all to get a glimpse of what really goes on in my head. I don't really do that all too often...hopefully you don't get too creeped out.

As far as the mechanics of life go, it's been a busy little run. Most notably, Frankie is here! He made his grand entrance on Thursday May 27, and his mom, Mary, did a phenomenol job. 8 lbs 15 oz, 22 inches, and everyone is well and good. So, I've got to wrap up his quilt. And, May has been busy. We've certainly kept ourselves busy on the weekends, and careened through the weeks. I have a feeling that June will be kind of similar. I'll post pictures sometime soon. It's been fun.

'See' you tomorrow!

Love List, 2

2010-05-24T21:08:00.002-04:00

I did one of these before, and as I was driving around today, another one seemed to materialize. This one has been rolling around in my head for a little while, also, but I seemed to be able to actually find a few words for it this morning.

Today's list is basically why I love my life.

I, clearly, have a fantastic family. I'm mostly referring to husband and child at this point, for clarification. I could write a whole lot about why I love them. Most of the time I take them for granted, but I think that we all do. I kind of think that's why we have family...at least I feel comfortable in the fact that my family is stable (albeit mildly dysfunctional) enough to be able to take them for granted. I think that I love that.
Speaking of family, I consider myself quite lucky to have parents, a sibling, parents-in-law, and siblings-in-law with whom I communicate and have a pretty decent relationship. I know that these things fluctuate with stages of life, but I think that we're all in a pretty good one now, and that's pretty cool.
I love that I'm able to step back from the chaos for moments (and I do really mean moments) each day and appreciate the wonder that is motherhood. I have to say that I have amazed myself at the things that I have been able to do in the past 2 1/2 years, and I feel certain that I will continue to impress myself, with some inspiration from a little boy. Don't get me wrong, I've screwed some stuff up, too. But, you know, so goes life.
I've said it before, and I will say it again: I have got a freakin' amazing, kick-ass job. Holy crap. Where else do you get to go to work every day and hang out with at least 100 cool people? Well, maybe 80 cool people and 20 lame ones, give or take a handful on any given day. However you slice it, I am damned lucky, and I know it. And, as of June 21, my work obligations cease until August 28. Yeah. Teaching rocks.
Speaking of the kick-ass-itude of my job, my students (past and present) are similarly amazing. Seriously. I should probably give Facebook a nod on this one, since it has allowed us to reconnect and communicate easily. But, my former students have done some amazing things and are some pretty amazing people. And, it warms my heart to know that I've been a part of their lives. I don't, by any means, feel responsible for the cool people that they've grown into (not that they weren't cool in high school, but growing up has a way of increasing your coolness). But, it's really an honor to be a thought from time to time.
I think that I might finally be at peace with where we live. It's taken me a while (almost 20 years?) to warm to New Hampshire, but I think that it might be home. Although I will always be a mid-westerner at heart, I can at least appreciate the benefits that New Hampshire has brought to our lives. It is a fabulous location with pretty good weather. We have jobs. We own our home (although, we'd like to own a different home, but that's a whole other situation). We're safe. The schools and communities are good and strong. Not too shabby. I'll take it.
And, I love that I can find a moment from time to time to breathe and just reflect on how truly blessed I am. It's not always easy, but it's something that I hope that I can share.

What do you love?

More Creation

2010-05-08T11:02:00.004-04:00

Matt and Joseph had a haircut appointment this morning. So, I took the opportunity to create something else! I've forgotten how much I love sewing.

When I went last week to buy the border, backing, and batting for Frankie's quilt, Joseph started getting wise to the whole fabric store thing. It got to the point that when we walked into JoAnn Fabric's (for the fourth-ish time) he just stopped inside the door and said, "I no want this store." After further conversation, the volume had escalated, and I resorted to bribery. I know, a weak moment. But, it worked. I got what I needed, and Joseph chose some truck fabric. He shopped all of the assorted truck fabrics, and was quite happy with his choice; he was too adorable carrying the bolt around the store. I washed and dried it and he's been laying down on the fabric on the floor for the past couple of days.

I knew that I wanted to make a pillowcase after my friend at school made a kick-ass pillowcase for our femoroacetabular impingement student (for whom I made a blanket, and who is coming back to school on Monday--yeah!). So, I shopped some patterns online (really, it's not that difficult to make a glorified bag, but there are a couple of different techniques) and chose this one. It's got French seams to keep the raw edges on the inside from fraying. I don't know how necessary they are, I just really kind of wanted to try them.
So, here's the product:I hope that he likes it. I'm actually a little nervous that he'll be disappointed that it isn't fabric anymore. But, hopefully once he realizes that he can sleep on it, it will sweeten the deal.

The Fabric of Our Lives: Quilting Part III

2010-05-04T20:59:00.006-04:00

I found the cord to my camera! So, prepare to be dazzled ;)

For starters, I'd like to introduce you to my trusty steed. And my dog.The machine is inside the table. The table used to be in Joseph's room, but now it lives in the hallway. The hallway is not the best place to try to sew anything, especially because when it's opened up, the leaf blocks the bathroom door. So, most of the time it lives all closed up with plants on top of it. It's not fancy, and I've recently learned that it's 40 years old.Next, welcome to some of my friends.

This is the baby quilt that my mom made for me. She was so convinced that I was going to be a boy that it is mostly blue. And, it's made out of my dad's old work shirts--gotta love the 70's.This is the baby quilt that my great-grandmother Maxwell made for me. She made them for all of us cousins/great-grandkids, and I'm pretty sure that I got the last one. All of them are pretty similar, and mine is in great shape. You can't see too well, but the big blocks have little animals in black-work in them.This is the baby quilt that my mom made for Joseph. It's got some cute little kid prints on it, and he loves it.

This is the quilt that I started for Joseph. It's clearly (well, maybe not clearly, but it is) a bit large. And unfinished. But, I still like it lots. I just have to decide how I'm going to quilt it so that it doesn't take me years. Suggestions?And, this is the top of Baby Frankie's quilt. I bought the orange border after I assembled the top. I think that if I had planned on the orange border, I would have organized more orange pieces to not be on the edge. But, I'm still happy with the way that it came out. It should finish out to be about 48" x 55" ish. Like I said before, it's not typical baby colors, but I like it's modern kind of look. So, that's that. There's a little more going on around here, but I promised quilting pictures. I hope that you have enjoyed them and perhaps you've even gotten a bit of inspiration. Feel free to let me know what you think!

Break Wrap, and a bit more Quilting

2010-05-02T16:59:00.005-04:00

Well, I found the camera. Now I can't find the cord. I even had a nice little photo shoot with some of my favorite quilts. But, alas...cord missing. I'll continue the quilting thread (heh heh...quilting thread) when I can. I did finish the whole top and border of Baby Frankie's quilt. I bought the batting and backing and, once I figure out how I'm going to assemble the back (the front is about 4" too wide, so I've got to seam the back and I figure that as long as I've got to seam it, I might as well make it look intentional), I'll start quilting it all together. I'm pretty happy with my progress for this week. I think that it's come out really nicely. It's not a traditional baby quilt color palate, but it's quite nice, if I do say so myself. Mary (Frankie's mom, Matt's sister, my sister-in-law) prefers more contemporary muted earthy tones, so that's what I chose. I like it, and I hope that they do too.

I was chatting with another friend this weekend about all of these baby gifties that I'm creating and chuckling about them. I've got one knitted blanket (for Baby S) done. I checked my Ravelry notebook and discovered that I started that January 15. I finished April 15. I bought 6 skeins of yarn at about $3.50 each. Not too bad. Although, I did discover that I'm developing arthritis in my right index finger (which I'm particularly ticked off about). Monetary costs were pretty low, but the time factor was pretty significant. Baby Frankie's quilt, on the other hand, I've managed to whip together mostly this week. I figure that I've put in about 12ish hours. Granted, I've got more experience sewing than knitting, I feel more confident about my steps with a machine, and I'm using a pattern that I've used before, so it is coming together quicker than it might otherwise. But, I've also got...more than $20 into it. That would be an understatement. Matt says that I should sell these things on Etsy. In order to make any money on them, I'd have to sell them for more than anyone would want to pay. And, it's more fun to just give them away. But, it all reminded me of a sign that an old friend's dad used to have in his printing shop, "You can have it cheap. You can have it fast. You can have it good. Pick two. " This rings so true in so many ways.

And, vacation is over. I read a book (complete mind candy). We went to the beach. We took the blue car out. I got new shoes. I baked banana bread (which was the initial thought for this post...I meant to do a Jackie-esque posting of my food products, but I've digressed). Make it yourself, if you'd like. It's good. I made a quilt top. I started Baby H's blanket. I paid some bills. I played lots of cars. I played lots of trains. I read lots of kid books. I might have even taken a nap one day...maybe. I don't remember. I did some laundry and some dishes. It all worked out well. And now we head back for the end. I start the uber-lab with my AP kiddos in a couple of weeks, and the end is in sight. It's good to have a break, but it's even better to have something to go back to.

Quilting: 1

2010-04-27T13:56:00.003-04:00

I must say, I *heart* quilting. My mother says that it's kind of goofy because you take big pieces of fabric, cut them into little pieces, then put them back together to make big pieces. But, it's so...fun, pretty, therapeutic, creative, resourceful, etc. I know that the roots of quilting are far more resourceful than the craft that is practiced today. And, for those wondering, my mother was the one who taught me to cut up big pieces into little pieces to put back together into big pieces.

I made my first quilt for my friend, Susan, when she got married in 2002. I thought I'd start big...a queen sized bed quilt with lots of little points to hopefully bring together. I thought that it came out pretty well, and there is maybe a picture of it floating around somewhere. I made a quilt for the lady who was my mentor post-doc at MIT, well, her kid anyway, in 2005. No pictures, I don't think. But, I do remember liking that one a lot. Then, I made a crib quilt for Matt's cousin's baby, who is now...not a baby, in 2006. I actually have a picture of that one. Apparently I got smart by then.I liked the pattern (called Yellow Brick Road) so much that I decided to make a larger one for our friends who were moving away. They moved to Las Vegas, where I understand that you don't need quilts all that much. But, they've since moved to Missouri, and I understand it's cooler there. Not so smart, again. I sent that one off without a picture. They took one for me and sent it back, but that's somewhere floating on a hard drive, too. Oh well.

I started a quilt for Joseph before I knew him. I, actually, started it before I even knew that he was a he. That one was quite an undertaking. It's a pretty lattice pattern set on the diagonal that I did in bright rainbow-y colors with navy lattice work. I got the top and bottom pieced together (a cool 200+ pieces) before I was too gigantic to crawl around on the floor, and before I had to give up my sewing room to a crib and changing table. However, I misjudged my scale on that one and it's lots larger than a crib quilt. Since my mom made him a more appropriately sized crib quilt, and he's still sleeping in his crib, I don't feel an overwhelming sense of urgency to finish that one. I'll get there. It's all folded up in my closet. If I pull it out this week, I'll take a picture of it. I like that one, and I hope that he does, too, once he gets to use it.

So, this week's goal is another quilt for my new nephew, Frankie. Frankie will be joining the world sometime in May, and I'm hoping to be mostly done with his quilt by the time I go back to school on Monday. I'm making another Yellow Brick Road because it's quick, easy, and so super cute. I bought fabric, washed, and dried it on Sunday. Yesterday I cut out the strips and sewed some together, and today I've finished assembling the squares. Hopefully by tonight, I'll have it laid out and ready to piece together...that takes a while because I'm pretty OCD when it comes to lining up seams and not matching colors. Then, tomorrow, I'm hoping to put the top together and buy the border, batting, and backing material. If I can get the back together and the whole thing pinned together on Thursday, I'll feel pretty good. I think that we're planning on the beach on Friday (if the weather holds out), so maybe Saturday I can start quilting. If I can get the whole thing quilted this week, I will flip out. That leaves only the binding to pin and sew, and I will be a happy camper!! And, Frankie will get his quilt before Joseph does. At least I finished Joseph's blanket.

That's the plan, and I'm trying to stick to it. Stay tuned for more pictures!

Updates

2010-04-24T09:27:00.007-04:00

I realize that I have lacked pictures in recent posts. Sorry. Here are a few, along with a general update. Sorry for the average quality, I can't find my camera, so these are from my cell phone.

For starters, it's VACATION WEEK!! Yeah!! My folks have headed out of town, which means that we're pug sitting. They generally take their dog with them since they tend to travel with their house behind the truck, but this little trip's purpose is to outfit the new truck with the abilities to become snail-like. This means that Scout is spending the long weekend chillin' with her sissy, Staley. They're doing quite well so far, as long as I don't give Scout too much attention...Staley is a jealous and protective little dog.And, per last posts goals and deadlines, I'm happy to report that I have succeeded at #1! Baby S's blanket is done! I've got to tie in the loose ends and wash it (I don't think that it needs too much blocking, but we'll see how it comes out of the wash...it's mostly acrylic to be baby-friendly), but the big stuff is done. This is a new pattern for me that I found on Ravelry (my favorite knitting community). I've never knit two skeins together before, but I like the result; and it goes loads faster.A lady at school brought her 5 month old son in the other day. He's cute. I'm not ready for that again. I'm absolutely loving Joseph (not that that's a new thing) and watching him develop himself. He's a chatty little man with a fabulous range of emotions. He's come up with some crazy-cute expressions lately, and I need to record them so that I don't forget. He also loves books and all things cars and trucks. And kitties.Once the weather became warm enough to wear sandals, I tend to shed my closed shoes. So, Joseph decided that he needed to join the trend and wear toes. As in, "No, Mama. I'm not wearin' socks. I'm wearin' toes!" And another slightly less precious moment came the week after Easter. He found one of his Easter eggs that had M&Ms in it and the following conversation ensued:

"Mama, I need emmnemms."
"No, you need to eat dinner before M&Ms."
"MAMA! I need emmnemms, NOW!"
"That is not how you talk to Mama, and you need to eat your dinner before you have M&Ms."
"MAMA! I'm 'onna ask one more time. 1. 2. 3..."
Silence. Mama is trying too hard to contain laughter to respond. Thankfully he had figured out how this was going to end, and had moved on. Yikes.

Darling, isn't he? 2. It's a wonder. Here's a cuter moment from last week.

Goals

2010-04-16T20:45:00.002-04:00

I figure if I write them down, then it seems more real:

1. Finish blanket for Baby S by April break (a week from Monday)
2. Make quilt for Baby D, although I suppose that I can call him Frankie, since that will be his name, during April break (yeah, I'm going for a whole quilt in 8 days)
3. Knit blanket for Baby H after April break, but finish by July 10
4. Sell condo
5. Buy house
6. Lose 15 lbs

4 needs to happen before 5. And 6 needs to happen by the time we leave for vacation in July. 4 and 5 should be done by then, too. So, there. Goals with time lines. And, you know what the best thing is? They're all remarkably realistic and doable. Honestly, the 15 lbs is going to be the hardest one. I know that might sound absurd to some people, but I'm apparently quite attached to my extra fluff. A lady at school says that it's all about your perspective, and she maintains that she has a Fabul-ASS...which I kind of like. Although, I'd be okay being a bit less fab. I'm not all worked up about it, though.

It seems that the home selling process is turning out to be slightly less painful than I had anticipated, also. We worked really (and I do mean, really) hard last weekend thinning our place out. We moved over 20 boxes out and no less than 5 pieces of furniture out with the intent of making our place feel bigger and more spacious. I think that it worked. We've been on the market since Tuesday night and already have 3 showings scheduled for the next few days. I hope that people are inspired, because I'm already getting itchy about living so cleanly. It just isn't natural! I taught entropy in class today, and we discussed how the natural course of the universe is to tend towards increased randomness, and my house is no exception! So, keep your fingers crossed for us. We've been so fortunate to live in such a cute place for the past 7 years, and I will be kind of sad to leave it (because I really do adore it), but it's time to move on. We need more space. So, that's where we're headed. Hopefully.

Avoidance

2010-04-06T21:24:00.002-04:00

So, I've kind of been avoiding this because I'm still not sure how I'm doing with it all.

Medium-length story: One of my students from last spring was diagnosed with stage IV adenocarcinoma a couple of weeks after graduation. She handled the diagnosis and treatment as bravely as anyone could every be expected to. She created a fund to help other children suffering from cancer. She smiled. She believed. She fought. And, she lost. We got a message at school last Monday morning that her doctors had stopped treating her cancer and were making end-of-life plans with her and her family. By the end of the night, she was gone.

I have lost people before. I've even lost other former students (another one, 21, died just before the school year started). I've lost people to cancer. But, I think that the shear tragedy of this situation has resonated more strongly with me this time. This young lady just had so much going for her: she was beautiful, she was fabulously intelligent, she was kind, she was graceful and gracious, she was strong, she was well-liked and well-respected, she had a strong center, ... I could just keep going. I know that everything happens for a reason, and that phrase is actually one of her quotes on her Facebook page. And, I even feel like I can start to wrap my head around a possible reason that this had to happen. But, it doesn't make it any less sad. I know that the emotion is good; I know that it is healthy, and I'm so glad to hurt for her. I know that might sound a bit weird, but this ache actually feels really good because I know (beyond all shadow of any doubt in the whole wide world) that she was at peace with this world. And, while the ache will fade, I hope that the memory never does.

I wrote in a book for her parents that I hoped to be like her when I grow up, and that kind of says it for me. She has left an impression in this world, and she has unquestionably left it better than she found it. While it may sound selfish, I hope that can be part of my legacy. Some others have been far more eloquent than I, and I'm glad to be able to read their statements. But, this is about all that I can do right now.

Rest In Peace, RRT.

Saturday images

2010-03-21T11:14:00.004-04:00

I wanted to share a couple of quick pictures since I haven't done that in a bit. For starters, I'd like to present, Mom of the Year (yeah, that's Cheez Doodles, AND soda):
Ma (Grandma; my mom) keeps Cheez Doodles for Joseph, so it's a special Ma's house treat. And I'd like to also present the grand accomplishment of my day yesterday:
My mom is hosting Empty Bowls at her school this week to benefit some local food pantries. As an additional fundraiser, they're selling these Stupid Sock Creatures. So, I made one to add to the pile. Yesterday morning he was an ordinary pair of striped socks. I think he's much cuter today :) Hopefully he fetches a good donation for a good cause.

Don't. Stop. Me. Now!

2010-03-15T19:27:00.003-04:00

It's been a pretty good couple of days!

Most recently, my project on donorschoose.org was fully funded today! Apparently, one of the vendors that I was using was matching donations, and that ended up fully funding my little project that included a flip video camcorder and some headsets with microphones. So, yeah! I posted the project at the beginning of this tech course that I've been taking, and it got funded at the end of this tech course that I've been taking. Fab!

Tomorrow, one of my students is getting his hip rebuilt. He has Femoroacetabular Impingement (heh heh...google it). Ok, in real-person words: the top of his femur (big, long, leg bone) doesn't fit into his hip socket the right way, and his hip socket is the wrong shape to begin with. So, he's getting the head of his femur re-shaped and his socket broken in 5 places, put back together, and then his femur appropriately placed back in. On his right side. They'll do the left side later. Ugh. This is all happening tomorrow and he'll be out of school for almost a month. So, we had a surprise party for him on Friday, it was cute. He was surprised. I was happy. We played Operation.

Matt's feeling better. That's good. His doctor isn't 100% convinced that he has diverticulitis, so he's going to have another CT-scan to confirm the diagnosis. We're kind of hoping for something different, but we can deal with the diverticulitis. He sees his doctor again on Wednesday.

Then, on Saturday, Matt took Joseph for a boy day: they got haircuts, they went to lunch, they went to Napa and got rotors and brake pads for my car, then they went to Tractor Supply and looked at tractors. I got almost 4 hours in my own house all by myself. I love my boys, but as an oldest child (who is 8 years older than my beloved sib), I need my quiet time by myself. Many people don't get that...but you other oldest/onlies out there know what I'm sayin'. It was awesome. So, I made a blanket for my Femoroacetabular Impingement student. And, I read my book (a Ken Follett called The Pillars of the Earth that I'm completely hooked on), and I got caught up on Project Runway. It was basically fabulous. And, we wrapped up the evening with some friends and Step Brothers. A great day, all-around.

Hopefully this was just one of many more to come, I feel like I'm on a roll! So, Don't. Stop. Me. Now! I'm havin' such a good time, I'm havin' a ball!

Yikes!

2010-03-08T13:37:00.003-05:00

How did it get to be March already?! I'm sorry that I've neglected this blog. I've been working on my other blog a little bit more...since it's a grade, and this isn't. But, I'll bring you up to date.

Joseph and I went to Florida, again, with my mom for our February break a couple of weeks ago. This trip was sooooo different from last year. He played in the sand, we rode the train (4 times), we didn't swim in the pool as much, we shopped, and we chilled. Somehow, though, I ended up coming home from this vacation more exhausted than when we left...probably part of the reason that I haven't updated this blog. We also came home with more trucks. I'll post pictures at some point.

I think that the constant attention that Joseph required just drained me. Although, it was easy to find him wherever we were. He was either the kid screaming "MAMA!", or the kid screaming "NO!", or the kid bashing his cars into things, or he was the kid running in the opposite direction of me. Sometimes I kind of wanted to let him go...but, at all times, he was the kid wearing the Brian Urlacher jersey. I'm not exaggerating when I say that he's worn that shirt every day for the last three weeks, save three or four.

They had a tea party at day care last Friday that required him to dress up. So, he wore a spiffy little button-down shirt with green and white stripes (it was so cute!). And his football jersey. Thankfully, his wonderful lady was able to get him into the cute little argyle sweater vest that I sent with him. But, the football shirt was back on before we even left. He's wearing it today over his bulldozer shirt (which he called a snowplow shirt, for some reason today). Yesterday, the only reason that he didn't wear it was because it wasn't dry when we left for the emergency room at 8:15am.

Oh yeah, that's another story.

Long story...short version: Matt doesn't have appendicitis, he has diverticulitis. I'm feeling really badly for him because it seems like he really hurts a lot, and I think that he's kind of bummed about the diagnosis because we're not entirely sure what it means. I think that it's going to be a kind of trial period to get things back on track once he stops hurting so much. Poor guy :(

And, I just wanted to repeat something that actually came out of my mouth while we were getting Matt's new glasses last week (which are awesome, by the way): You know that you're a mom when you have tickets to the carousel and tickets to the train in your wallet, and absolutely no cash.

Ah well. It's all good.

Chickens!

2010-02-04T18:48:00.003-05:00

How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Oh, look, a chicken!

That's kind of how my brain is running right now. I have so many things coursing between my ears that I need to list them for later expansion, or just to list them:

Obama was friggin' amazing. I promise that I'll post pictures. I touched him. Wow.
I heard "Glory Days" on the way home tonight, and it got me thinking. I am so completely and totally blessed. Although life has changed in many ways, I usually feel like I'm currently living my Glory Days. High school was neat. College was cool. DINK status was pretty cool. Parenthood is amazing. And, I'm hopeful that the best is yet to come.
I'm re-vamping my chemistry course this semester. It's been a long time coming, and I've got an incredible group of students this semester, so I think that it'll be a go. I just need to find the time to create the necessary materials.
Standardized tests are fundamentally flawed. I lost two and a half hours of my life this afternoon learning how to score these math exams that our freshmen and sophomores took a couple of weeks ago. No wonder our students score 33% proficient in math!! The scoring guidelines are absurd! The kids know waaaay more math than that, it's just that the way that the questions and rubrics are written, you have to be absolutely perfect to earn the scores. Humf.
It took me a little while to warm up to my VUE, but this is ranking high on the list of most amazing cars ever. You should get one. It rocks. And, it doesn't have a broken accelerator pedal.
I'm posting it, so it's real now. We've resolved that 2010 will bring us a new home. Our condo has done a very nice job, and we like it a lot. We've just outgrown it, and if we want to continue growing, we need more room. So, we're hopeful for a 3 bedroom place somewhere. Hopeful thoughts will help!
Potty training can't come soon enough. I'm kind of sick of "Mama, change bum."

Ok. I feel better now. Here are a couple of cute pictures from last weekend. Not Obama, but Joseph is cuter ;)

MyBlogSpark? And OBAMA!!!

2010-02-01T18:47:00.004-05:00

So, does anyone do this? What am I committing to? Am I selling my soul to creative advertising people? Is it worth it to get free stuff? Anyone care to read about products that I review? Hmmm...post a comment so I know what my readers want. That's kind of a joke given the moderately narcissistic nature of the blogosphere, anyway. But, hey, I aim to please...sometimes.

And, HOLY CRAP!!! I MIGHT GET TO SHAKE THE PRESIDENT'S HAND TOMORROW! THE PRESIDENT! OF THE UNITED STATES! YEAH, I'M SCREAMING!!

Ok, I'm a little better now, but HOLY CRAP! The coolness of this opportunity is really starting to settle in, and I'm getting kind of nervous! Despite multiple suggestions that I go to the meeting in our nicest Urlacher jersey, I think that I'm going to go as a teacher and be way crazy excited if I can get my ticket autographed. A sitting president. Matt and I met George W. Bush at a campaign rally during the first primary season in...1999? And, I shook Al Gore's hand at Dunkin Donuts down the street from my parents' house. But, wow. A sitting president.

I'm allowed to bring a camera, so stay tuned for pictures of the event. I also got some crazy cute pictures of the fam at the SEE Science Center this weekend, but those are taking a backseat to other events. If you've got time tomorrow afternoon, you should watch for me on TV. I'll be the one looking like a teacher :)

Hail to the Chief!

2010-01-30T07:27:00.002-05:00

Yeah, that's right! President Obama is coming to my school on Tuesday to talk to 1500 of his closest friends in a Town Hall-style meeting. Since he's coming to our school, 30 spots were reserved for faculty and staff members in our building. More than 30 people were interested, so our names went into a hat and were randomly chosen, and mine was picked! I'm currently waiting to see if I passed the federal background check, but I'm feeling hopeful that I'll actually be there.

My big question right now is what do I wear? I know that this might sound petty considering that he is the President of the United States, but I feel like I've got a realistic grip on my place in this crowd. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to be in the same room as this influential leader. I do tend to think that politics are kind of a dirty game, but I believe that most people get involved with pure intentions and do try to hold on to those intentions for as long as they can. So, regardless of any personal feelings that I have about programs or initiatives or anything like that, I have great respect for people who are willing to take on the responsibility of any public office--especially the President!!

So, I'm pretty pumped. Any suggestions for the visit? I've never done this before, so I welcome any input!

Clarification

2010-01-17T12:27:00.001-05:00

I am not cooking another kid. We do know a lot of people who are expecting little people in 2010. So, the blanket that I'm making is for one of those little people.

In case you were interested...

2010-01-16T19:37:00.003-05:00

And, I realize that you probably aren't, but...I've had to start another blog. I'm attempting a master's degree in education at the local university that Matt works at. It's definitely a challenge, not so much because the content is difficult, but because it has demanded a delicate balance between all of the various aspects of my life. Sometimes I'm more successful at balancing than others.

But, part of my current class on technology is to post a variety of reflections on a blog. So, if you're interested in some of my educational thoughts, check it out. I've called it "Those Who Can" because an all-too-popular idea of teachers is that "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." I don't have time to step up on that soapbox, and a bunch of people probably wouldn't like what I had to say about that (and you can all bite me, by the way), so I'm not even going to get into that. So. There. Read it if you want, don't if you don't.

In other news from Allergy World, Joseph was retested a couple of weeks ago for all of his various allergens. The good news is that all of his levels went down, but the bad news is that we still need to avoid fresh egg products, tree nuts, and peanuts. This really isn't a big deal, since we've grown so accustomed to reading product labels. I am encouraged that his levels have gone down though. I feel kind of silly because I don't know exactly what levels they're talking about, but I can tell that 3.88 kU/L is closer to zero than 18.9 kU/L (his peanut levels this year and last year, respectively). So, I've got my fingers tentatively crossed that when we retest him next year (or even the year after) he might be low enough to challenge some of them. But, we're okay.

Isn't he cute?

Other random things:

The stomach flu sucks a lot when you're two, and it sucks a lot when you're considerably older than two, but you're the one taking care of the two year old. But not as much as the one with the flu. For sure.
I think that I know all the words to Cars.
I love love love Hot and Sour soup.
I've frogged the same blanket three times. But, I think that I've developed a pattern that I'm really going to like. We'll see. Hopefully I can finish it before the baby gets here...
We have too much crap.
Either we have a phenomenal weather system in our backyard, or a broken thermometer. We've gone from -38 to 31 degrees today!

Couple pictures

2010-01-15T14:07:00.003-05:00

First things first. Joseph is 2. So, here he is with Mona. His face is dirty and he's got kind of a scowl on, but...welcome to 2.

We all went on a train ride for Christmas in early December. Joseph LOVES trains and this one had Santa, too. So, it was a slam dunk. We drove up to North Conway and rode around in a winter wonderland. It was fun.
Short story: my parents had these two wonderful teachers from China staying with them from the end of September through December 23. Vivian and Winter (Winter's in pink) are two of the sweetest people you would ever want to know and we miss them lots. They made us delicious Chinese food and are so kind and friendly. Joseph asks about them every time that we see an airplane since he knows that they went for a really long plane ride to go home to China. So sweet.

And, while we were in Chicago, Joseph got to drive a tractor.

Supposed to post

2010-01-10T09:24:00.002-05:00

So, Jackie tells me I'm supposed to post. So, I'm posting.

It seems that we've been constantly moving so that finding time to reflect on life hasn't happened too much. And, since complete thoughts rarely race through my mind, I'm presenting a list of things that I've experienced or considered lately:

I've started making bread. Jackie and Ann turned me on to this idea of five-minute bread, and it is "delish," as Joseph says.
Christmas was busy. We drove to Chicago to be with Matt's family, and we had a nice time.
I finished one baby blanket just in time to consider three more and a quilt.
I'm trying socks again. I know that I can do it, I just have to do it.
I'm even finding moments to read. I read My Sister's Keeper while we were in Chicago, and I've picked up Flowers for Algernon recently.

And, I wanted to reflect on Joseph for a longer moment. What a neat kid. He's got a serious case of two, but he's still wonderful. When he's feeling particularly disagreeable, everything is 'no.' And, when he's feeling good, he just chatters and chatters and chatters. It's so neat to watch him grow and develop, and it's kind of bittersweet to realize that more and more baby words are maturing into real words and phrases. He really is turning into a little boy, and I'm so happy to have the freedom to experience a lot of these times with him. Quick story: he usually takes his blanket, Linus, to day care with him. But one day last week, he decided to take his stuffed leopard, MeeMow, instead. When I went to pick him up, I found him feeding MeeMow snack after their nap. His wonderful lady said that he'd been doing that all day. He fed him breakfast, snack, lunch, and snack; he hugged him all through nap, and shared him with the other kids. So sweet. It warmed my heart to see that he had a kind nurturing side in addition to his all-things-with-wheels side. I'd post pictures, but I'm not that with-it yet...oh well.

Santa

2009-12-04T21:03:00.002-05:00

It would seem that Joseph is figuring out the whole Santa thing. We were at a local(ish) Christmas store last weekend, so I took the opportunity to explain Santa Claus to him. I told him that Santa brings presents to boys and girls on Christmas and that he could ask Santa for a toy. He decided that he wanted to ask Santa for a truck, and that was it. He's been pointing out Santa's all over the place, and last night was absolutely precious.

We were watching The Polar Express on TV (it was right at the end), and he was totally enamored with Santa, the Christmas tree, and the train. He started talking about asking Santa for a truck again, "Ask Santa truck." Then the list grew, "Ask Santa car. Ask Santa airplane. Ask Santa train." Then he says to me, "See Santa." "We'll go and see Santa, sweetie." "See Santa. Ask Santa truck." "We will go and see Santa, but not right now." "Not now. See Santa." Then it got interesting. "Mama GET UP!" So, I get up. He walks into the dining room. "'Mon Mama." (like, c'mon, Mama). He's standing by the door. "See Santa." Apparently he felt a certain sense of urgency and needed to see Santa NOW. He brought it up again tonight with no prompting at all. "Ask Santa train." So, we're going to go see Santa this weekend. Hopefully he's not totally terrified by him when he sees him. We shall see, though.

The Hunt

2009-11-20T20:38:00.002-05:00

Well, it's just me and my little boy this weekend. Matt has ventured to northern parts in hunt of the prevalent deer. He's got a license to shoot "anything that walks in front of me," says he. Apparently it's for bucks and black bear. I know that he's excited about this and I hope that he has a good time with my brother and my dad. I just hope that they all make it back safely and all that stuff.

And, Max and my dad came by this afternoon while they were waiting for Matt to get home from work. So, Joseph and I got to hang out with them for a bit. Joseph was so funny. He was showing off all of his tractors and trucks. Then he had to show Max how he runs up and down the hallway "boom"ing into things with his giant dump truck (which he just got back after repeatedly "push[ing] Staley dog"). It was just too cute. Hopefully we'll be able to see them a bit Sunday night when they get home from The Hunt. Otherwise, we'll wait until Christmas.

After everyone left, I learned that "Joseph ride Papa new truck Max Dada." Apparently he wanted to go with...maybe in ten years or so...

All done

2009-11-19T15:33:00.002-05:00

So, I've apparently reached my limit. Or my sinuses just hate me. Either way, I kind of crashed and burned today. It was kind of fun, actually. The end result is me in my house all by myself for 7 whole hours!! That NEVER happens!! I've got a whole pile of things that I should be doing (big shocker there, I know), but I'm taking some time for myself to rest and recuperate a bit. And eat Cheez-Its Party Mix. And I don't feel too guilty, either. Maybe a little guilty, but not too much.

Every family has one, I guess...

2009-11-15T20:47:00.003-05:00

The kid who won't eat. That's mine.

I hear about all of these kids of my friends who are like 14 months and 28 pounds or something like that. Joseph will be 2 in 2 weeks, is probably 33" (if we're lucky), and about 23 or 24 pounds. Food has never particularly been an interest for him. He was diagnosed with reflux at about 8 months old, but it had been bothering him since he was probably about 4 months old. So, he had a sour stomach while he was first experiencing lots of foods, and he didn't eat much because it hurt his stomach. We also figured out at that point that he had a dairy sensitivity, which apparently also made food a little less than appealing.

So, now I've got a kid who's almost 2 and doesn't eat much at all. Thankfully he takes his gummy vitamins, but it's a challenge to get food groups into him. He liked veggies when he was little--corn and peas were always hits. Now? Nope. He shoots them across the room. Beans? No. Tomatoes? No. Potatoes? No. Broccoli? No. You get the picture. It's kind of frustrating to hear that other people's kids will eat anything and everything, and mine would rather go hungry. I'm guessing that he'll grow out of it, and he does go hungry from time to time as we try to teach him to eat what's available.

So, I've learned how to sneak a bit of nutrition into him. V8 Fusion is a big favorite. He likes the Orange-Tangerine the best. It tastes like fruit juice, but actually has vegetables in it. We found these juice boxes called Fruitables made by Apple and Eve that are the same thing. Hopefully he'll learn to enjoy food...not that I want a rolly poly round kid, but it'd be okay if he tried new stuff.

*Sigh*

Big Boy Words

2009-11-13T21:07:00.003-05:00

It's just been hitting me that my baby boy is rapidly turning into a little boy. As his second birthday is right around the corner, it's been so neat to watch him change. And, his language is in one of those "booms" that I'm sure happens with language development. He learns new words every day and does really well with applying words that he knows to describe things that he doesn't...hard to explain, but neat to see.

Anyway, with this multitude of words has come better pronunciation of some old favorites. For example, we're up to "tra-tur" from "tur-tur" for tractor. "Tray" is up from "tee" for train. And, we don't have "wee-woo tuck"s anymore, we have "fie enn"s for fire engines. Can you tell that we talk about a lot of transportation? A particular favorite of mine is "hay-tra-tur" for helicopter. It kind of sounds like heli-tractor, which I find terribly amusing.

I know that we'll work our way through this baby talk, but it's kind of bittersweet to realize that he's growing out of it already. Obviously, I don't want him to be 10 and talking about heli-tractors, but some of his words are really cute. And, he's figured out how to say his name. I know that this might be a little late for that, but I think that the "J" sound is kind of difficult to put together. He used to just refer to himself as "baby," but we're up to "Do-suf", which I think is pretty good.

I'm able to understand almost all of what he says, and he's really good at showing you what he's talking about if you don't understand it. I realize that, to an outside adult, he probably sounds rather incoherent, but we're getting there. A couple of words that he's never seemed to have an issue with are "no" and "mine." Go figure. I hope to record him babbling away one of these days so that I can play it for him when he's 15 and embarrass the hell out of him. Heh heh heh. ;)

Losing

2009-11-09T18:01:00.002-05:00

I have a student who has had a rough semester. His aunt died in late August. She was 43 and it was a suspected drug overdose. His step-grandmother died about a month ago. And, he found his 73 year old grandfather dead on his floor last week. He's a sweet kid who's having kind of a hard time coping. It seems like he looks at all of the people around him with a kind of clock over their head that's counting down to the time that he loses them. It also seems like he might not have the greatest support system in his life. But, he's made good use of our guidance services at school and seems to be hanging in there.

We were chatting this afternoon about our respective experiences of finding our deceased grandparents; I think that he felt better knowing that someone else had experienced and survived a similar encounter. And, we were talking about the suddenness of death, sometimes. And, we were talking about the things that so often go unsaid to the ones that we lose. And, since it's my 'Grandma' time of year, I was feeling perhaps more chatty than usual. I think that it helped him a little to just talk and share. Maybe. I know that I'm not qualified to be a real assistance, but I'd like to think that his afternoon might have been a little bit less stressful. Maybe.

Daily blogging = failure

2009-11-08T09:06:00.003-05:00

You know, we do the best that we can...so...there.

I think that I've decided that both Matt and Joseph had H1N1. Joseph had a fever between 100 and 103.5 for five days...up and down, but never gone. He had a gross cough that complicated itself into croup. And, all he wanted to do was lay around and snuggle. Matt had a fever for four days, gross cough, chills, and body aches. So, I'm kind of hoping that's what it was since we can't manage to get in to Joseph's pediatrician for a flu shot. Hopefully I won't have to worry too much about it now.

And, I'm officially half way through my first master's class. I don't know what I was expecting, but this is a lot of work. I'm making it, and I think that I'm doing all right with it, it's just particularly stressful to try to keep up with all of my other responsibilities, and add student duties to the mix. Our house is just disgusting, and Matt is perpetually ticked off at me for being stressed out. So, I'm not sure if this was the best decision, but I'm going to persevere. I'm not getting any younger, and this is the only way that I'll earn more money as a teacher. I guess that we'll all just saddle up for another 2-3 years of this. Oh boy.

And here's another picture from this summer for your viewing enjoyment. We were at THE Yankee Candle and Joseph was coloring the flowers.

Innovation and YouTube

2009-11-03T20:45:00.004-05:00

This daily blogging thing is going to be hard. I feel like a lot of my life is pretty trivial and rather un-interesting to the casual observer. So, I'm going to bring something to this virtual table that was a topic of discussion today.

Election day is a teacher workshop day in my district. So, this afternoon I went to this workshop on Interdisciplinary Planning (IDP). It was ok. Not great, but ok. The best part of it was something that didn't even work. The presenter had a link in his presentation to this that ended up not working. Well, I don't know if it was really that version, but that's the one that I like the best right now. It really speaks to the absolute necessity for innovation in the classroom. The intention was to start a conversation about IDP and how we can integrate that into our classes, but I think that anything that gets teachers to think creatively is worthwhile. And, teachers are notoriously the worst students, so it's pretty futile to try to keep us on task. So, I came away from today with some energy to try to integrate some cool stuff into my classroom. We'll see how that goes.
I had more complete thoughts, but I'm currently distracted by Matt who is on the other couch crying (I'm not kidding, he has real tears) and coughing up whatever lungs are left since he's recovered from his flu over this. Ahhh, the future of America...I have hope for Joseph.

Camera and Mending

2009-11-02T21:02:00.006-05:00

So, I found a cord for the camera and cleaned off all of the pictures. There are some cute ones from the beach this summer. And, there are some cute ones from a trip to Chicago. And, there are some cute ones from today. You get a handful of sand from this summer and two from the last two days.Thankfully, both of my boys are on the mend. Matt slept all day while my mom hung out with Joseph. I went to school and got some things in line if I should need to stay home later this week. I think that Joseph should be well enough to go back to school tomorrow, and Matt's probably going to take one more day. Phew.

This first picture was yesterday. This is pretty much how we spent our weekend.And then, today. Better? Why, yes!

F-ell-U

2009-11-01T17:27:00.003-05:00

I need to find the cord for my camera. I found the camera this weekend, and it's got some really cute pictures from this summer on it. So, I need to find the cord.

And, the flu needs to go f- itself. If that is in fact what has made our house unclean. I feel like I need to go find bells for us, or something... I thought that Joseph picked up my cold and it complicated itself into the croup. Matt has a fever, though. I never had a fever, as far as I can tell. I tend not to take my temperature, though. It's harder to ignore illness when you're more informed. Whatever.

I'm most concerned about what to do with the young man tomorrow. He's been fever-free all day and has been perky with the exception of the 3-hour scream/cry/whine-fest that ensued after he got woken up from his nap after only an hour. I think that he's going to go back to school. We'll see how that goes. As for the big guy, he's going to be on his own tomorrow. That's why he's the big guy.

Raining! Pouring!

2009-10-29T14:12:00.002-04:00

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops, oh what a rain it would be... So, really, yesterday was the "rain all day" day, but it seems as if the storm has continued.

These have been a rough couple of weeks. I went to Dallas a couple of weeks ago for a conference on integrating the sciences and some other stuff. I missed two days of school and was gone for four days. It was a pretty good conference, and I got to see Max and Jackie (which was cool), but since I've been back, it's been kind of a mess. We're getting it all put together, though, and things are really mostly fine.

I came home from TX with a cold, though, which Joseph kind of picked up...maybe. He started out with just a cough on Monday and Tuesday. Then, he woke up with a fever yesterday, so Matt stayed home with him. It was my turn today, and his fever is a little higher, although still considered low-grade for an almost 2 year old. He still has a gross cough. So, Matt's up tomorrow! We're going to keep him in for the weekend so that he gets all the way better. It seems to be a little flu bug, but he seems to be doing ok with it. We'll see how it rolls. Hopefully this is the bad day and he'll be on the mend tomorrow. Poor little one, though, will miss his Halloween party at school and trick-or-treating in town :( Next year, I guess. The good news is, though, that this is the first time that he's gotten sick this school year, and we're almost 1/4 of the way through! Yeah for immune systems! We worked hard to build his up last year, and it's going much better this year--phew.

Hang on for NaBloPo--it's coming up, and I'm practicing :)

Formula for my life

2009-10-26T12:57:00.004-04:00

1 dog + 1 long-haired cat + 1 kid + 2 parents + 2 full-time jobs + 2 master's programs = 1 mom at the end of her rope + 1 disgusting house

As usual, it all gets done. Except for this blog. I've been Facebooking lately, which I'm kind of hooked on. I feel like a quasi-stalker when I go and look at my friends' pictures. Whatever, they post them!

So, November is NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), and I made it last year. I posted every day. I need something else to do, so what the heck?! I'll give it a whirl. So, hold on to your hats!

Here are some adorable pictures of my kid to get you excited :) And when did Staley start to look like an old lady?! Look at those white eyebrows.

Love List

2009-08-23T15:27:00.002-04:00

I've been compiling this list in my head for a little while, and just wanted to put part of it down. It's, obviously, incomplete. But, we'll consider it a work-in-progress. And, I'm starting with things around my house.

While my feelings of cleaning are far from "love," when I decide that the pet-hair-tumbleweed that blows down our hallways and stairs are just too much to bear, I absolutely adore my Oreck XL. Holy cow, what an amazing machine. I'll never own another vacuum, perhaps because this one won't get worn out.
Having a small person means that I do a lot of laundry. And, most of that laundry has some variety of food stain on it. This journey of parenthood has taught me to appreciate Shout gel (with the scrubby thing on top of the container). I was pretty bummed the last time that I went shopping because I couldn't find it. So, we'll see if the Spray-n-Wash stick that I got does as well. I'm cautiously optimistic.
Speaking of stains...Oxyclean is a must-have in our house. It's my favorite carpet cleaner and has removed all traces of assorted cat barf.
Lest I focus on cleaning too much, because I really don't do all that much of it, I wanted to point out my respect for the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Maybe it's because I don't clean all that much that I really appreciate the way that things actually work when they're supposed to...let's hear it for lowered expectations.
An old steady force in our lives for the past 10 years has been my 1998 Pontiac Grand Am GT. It has over 180K miles, no air conditioning, arm-strong windows, two doors, and a heart of gold. I really freakin' love that car. We've been through a lot together, but it has sustained, and for that I am grateful. And, I love driving a car with a standard transmission. I feel like I'm actually driving.
And, I love stoneware. We got a pizza stone as a shower gift from some friends (around Christmas 2000) and I didn't know what to do with it or how to use it. I know that sounds silly, but I'd never owned a piece of stoneware and didn't understand the subtle differences and advantages of this fine cookware. We still use that pizza stone for all kinds of baking, and it has gotten nicely seasoned to various shades of brown. I recently got another couple of stones, and we're working at seasoning those as well.

So, that's that for now. I love my DVR too, but that's mostly used for Knight Rider...topics for another day's love list.

Ever get that feeling...

2009-08-04T14:50:00.002-04:00

...like you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole?

Books

2009-07-28T10:59:00.006-04:00

So, what with it being summer and all, I'm trying to read. I try to read all year, but I end up being slightly more successful with it during the summer. So far I've finished "The Secret Life of Bees" and "The Mermaid Chair," both by Sue Monk Kid. While I liked Bees better, I felt that I could relate a little bit better to Mermaid. Her language seems like its trying a bit too hard in places, but its still quite nice. Both of the books are about these women and their journeys to loving themselves and their lives. Part of those journeys is taking moments and cherishing them for their simple beauty.

I try to take snapshots of occurances (both literally and figuratively) so that I can remember how full of life I feel during those times. It's good for me to draw on that bank when I want to strangle my young-in for any number of reasons...it seems as if the "terrible twos" have hit our house a bit early. It's okay, though, because I've learned (amongst other things) that this, too, shall pass. And, it will most likely pass entirely too quickly. So, I'm taking a lot of "snapshots" while my little boy still wants to snuggle with mama and read about trucks.

Now for those pictures...

We busted out the Chevelle...what do you know, the car seat fits?Joseph got a haircut. Well, he got most of them cut.18 months with Mona (May 27).Max and Jackie got married.Joseph danced the night away--which was hysterical.Max and Jackie went back to OK with this big yellow truck that Joseph got to drive.We went to Chicago to visit Matt's family. There were sheep.And cousins.And ponies. Oh my goodness...he LOVED the minnies (because horses say minnie minnie). "Minnie please. Minnie please. Minnie please."Keagan and Keith got married.So pretty.We had fun.And we had to check out the tractor.

2 months in a nutshell

2009-07-21T08:07:00.002-04:00

So, the last two months have been comprised of:

Max and Jackie's wedding on May 30. It was a lovely day and we're happy to welcome Miss Jackie to the family. They honeymooned in Ft. Lauderdale, came home for a little while, and then packed up and headed back to Oklahoma. Not sure when we'll see them next...
School wrapped up Monday June 22 after weeks of exams, cleaning, graduation, and general end-of-the-year stress (which managed to be worse this year than in years past).
I took a three day workshop Wed June 24-Fri June 26 at school...learning about reluctant learners.
We left for Chicago and a visit with Matt's family on Saturday the 27th. We were there for a week or so and left Sunday July 5. It was great to see everyone again, and we had fun shopping, aquarium-ing, zoo-ing, and hanging out.
The next week was kind of frantic as it was basically my first week off of school. So, we were running around like crazy...but we did manage to make it to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston for one day.
That Friday (the 10th) we left for another lovely wedding weekend in Connecticut. We were happy to share the day with Keagan and Keith and wish them all the best. They honeymooned in Cancun and just got home.
We were home for two days before I had to leave for San Antonio and the AP Annual Conference. San Antonio was really nice, although really hot. I could've spent more time there, but I came home late Saturday night.
Sunday Joseph had a fever of anywhere between 100.6 and 103.8. Monday morning he woke up with a cough and a lower fever (99.6-ish). Considering that these are the symptoms of H1N1, we went to the doctor. Turns out he only has hand, foot, and mouth disease (again), which is a relief. But, he's got a vicious sore throat and goes on these 20-minute screaming jags. Considering that I'm exhausted and haven't slept for more than 2 consecutive hours for the last week, this is all kind of piling up on me...we'll be fine, though.

I've got a whole pile of pictures from life and the past events that I'm looking forward to posting as soon as I can get them loaded and sorted. So, stay tuned! I'm getting there...

Try Again

2009-07-20T16:55:00.001-04:00

I was doing pretty well there for a while...then things got busy (which would kind of be an understatement). So, I clearly abandoned this blog, and am renewing my commitment. So, expect more pictures and the general updates soon. I've got to go ride bikes with a little boy now, though.

Mush moment

2009-05-19T20:33:00.003-04:00

For those of you who only check this to see how the cute-factor of my kid only increases on an exponential scale: I'll post some pics soon. I haven't loaded any in a bit since my computer has been possessed. But, it would seem that Matt may have sufficiently exorcised it, so I can probably upload some more pics soon.

And, this is that time of the year. I started with this idea in the last post, but I've got to expand on it. This is the time of the year where I either want to hug my students and cherish every moment that I have with them before they leave, or I want to strangle them like Homer does to Bart. Sometimes I feel the same way about the same student...that's just how we roll in May. But, I'm feeling more warm and fuzzy than cold and prickly today, so I'm taking a moment to reflect on the degree of kick-assitude that my job holds.

I have got some of the most wonderful students who have so many abilities and are going to do such wonderful things with their lives. I love that some of them keep in touch with me, and I understand why some of them don't. I sort of fear that one thing that some people will remember about me (I tend to be somewhat crass and sarcastic--shocker, I know), but not too much. I love that our schedule and my course allows for me to build relationships with those students that are interested in it. I know that I've said this before, and I will most assuredly say it again: I really have the best job in the world. So much of that comes from having the best students in the world, so, thanks folks! Although, the best colleagues in the world help too ;)

Whelmed

2009-05-17T10:05:00.002-04:00

As my mom says, "I'm feeling whelmed. Which is one step away from overwhelmed."

It's just that time of the year:
--Seniors have 3 weeks left, everyone else 4 (or something)
--Progress reports are due this week. I have sooo much to grade still. Bleh.
--Max and Jackie are getting married (my little brother is getting married--this just *hit* me on Friday) in less than 2 weeks
--Matt's sister and her husband have been married for one year (Yeah! You've survived!) in 2 weeks...not that this in itself is particularly stressful, just that I'm remembering it so that we can properly acknowledge it
--Matt's folks are coming out here for the aforementioned wedding in less than 2 weeks (Yeah!)
--Oh-my-goodness-there's-still-so-much-to-do-for-the-wedding...
--At least the AP Chem exam is over
--I still have to finish my personal statement for my application to grad school. I know, I know...Matt says that we'll figure it out. So, I believe him. 'Nuff's 'nuff on this one. All I'm doing is burning daylight. I'm not getting any younger. So. There. You're all going to read about my stresses...2 parents both working full time and both going to school part time to complete two master's degrees at the same time with an almost-two-year-old at home (by the time that I start). Whatever.
--Oh, did I mention that we'd LOVE to move before then? We've just outgrown this place. So, we need to do something lest we stagnate...
--I think I killed my computer. It needs a Z-pack. Matt's cleaned it up twice, and it's still not better. I've got some insidious ad-ware thing on here.
--I'm supposed to be Walking for Water today, but it's raining. Irony.
--We have some of the best day care ladies in the world, and I want to do something for them for the end of the year. Any ideas? Time's a wastin'.

Whatever. It all gets done. Somehow, it all gets done.

I was chatting with my mom yesterday and I said that I've learned that in my 30's I have been busier than I feel like I have ever been before. I feel as if I have a millionty-two responsibilities that take me in 87 directions all at the same time. I most definitely sleep less than I ever have before, and I feel like the little lines around my eyes are becoming deeper...that eye cream that I ordered had better get here soon! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining at all (well, maybe just griping a little). I love my life. I love my family. I love my job. I love being important to people. I know that I don't do it all--my house is a freakin' disaster and laundry has taken over the bedrooms--but, I think that I'm mostly there. Although, like I said, I think that I'm whelmed.

2 Things

2009-04-24T18:22:00.003-04:00

A break from my normally scattered head...mostly because my mind has turned to goo since our April break begins, umm, now.

The first is kind of a PSA. If you should end up at our house and one of us offers you spready cheese, you might want to pass. We're working on utencils, but Joseph has found that it's significantly more effective to just scoop it out with your hands.

And, the second is kind of one of those philosophy of life kind of things. So, I know that there are people out there who like nice things, but then don't use them. Or people who have something special from a relative or friend that they never use, even though they love it. Like those shoes that were really expensive that you never wear, or that piece of jewelry that you got that you feel is "too much" or "too special" or whatever...you know what I'm talking about. Well, we have a limited number of things that actually make the "kind of nice," "sort of special," or "might actually be worth something" list. One of those things is our coffee table, that Matt happens to hate (by the way). We got it when my grandmother died, and I've always really liked it--I think this qualifies for more sentimental than monetary value. Well, I don't think that you could say that we don't use it to its fullest potential. Do you think she'd mind it's current use? I don't. Despite the fact that it's in our family room instead of our dining room, this table really serves as a meeting place for our family, and I look forward to many more years with it. Thank goodness for Scott's Liquid Gold.

A moment in my cluttered mind

2009-04-18T16:45:00.003-04:00

If it's called a "wood cleaner" why won't it take the jelly and dried on whatever-that-is off of my coffee table/dining room table?
Do you think that Obama would entertain legislature that provides funding for moms that work full time to get a housecleaner? Maybe there should be a pet requirement...minimum one dog and one cat...oh, good--I qualify!
Why is it that he can be playing perfectly nicely by himself, and then when he hears the keyboard clicking away, he must be the center of all attention? Joseph, that is...
Would anyone like a pug? Slightly used...if she doesn't stop barking, she's going to be a flatter pug...
If the thing with Obama doesn't work out, it's a darn good thing I have an Oreck. It makes me hate vacuuming less.
This is one of the reasons that I love my husband:
Do you think that Joseph will ever eat? We're on an "off" week.
When is it that you double their height to tell how tall they're going to be? If it's 2, I hope that he doesn't develop "short-man-syndrome"...
Thank goodness for...something...but I'm getting a margarita tonight!