Feelings. Nothing more than...

Today was the local memorial service for our dear teacher who died 2 weeks ago. It was a wonderful uplifting service and left me feeling glad for having known Edward. It also left me wondering (probably selfishly) what people would say at my memorial service. Who would be there? What would it be like? I know that's a bizarre thought, but that seems to be how my brain is rolling these days.

Matt and I also ventured to Babies 'R Us today. Yikes. We're [I'm] starting to wonder [totally freak out] about what kinds of things we're actually going to need and want when our little guy gets here--which is getting to be much sooner rather than later. Thankfully there is a nice consignment shop not far from us and that has been encouraging so far. We're in decent shape...it's just all of that "you should get ___, my baby loved it!" and "we couldn't have lived without _____." and "you're going to love ____." that makes me feel so under prepared. So, we took a stab at some of the essentials today (changing pad and linens) and before we knew it, we were up to $100 worth of stuff. Oh boy! The sooner that he gets here, the better I'll feel because I'll have something else to worry about--rather than speculate about how to make a life that I have no clue about easier. We'll get there...one day at a time...

Speaking of getting there, I have to send a big THANK YOU out to all of you who have offered silly and kind words of encouragement along the way. One of the skills that a teacher has to develop is the ability to separate your emotions from your ability to do your job, so I generally don't let (or desperately try not to let) my abject terror about this whole thing show. In reality, however, I really am terrified. My heart knows that all will be well, but my head is filled with "what ifs". It doesn't help that I see a totally different person when I look in the mirror too--someone who has "blown up" (as one of my students apparently told another earlier this week). Thankfully the other soon-to-be-moms that I've talked to feel the same way, so that's reassuring--at least I'm not totally off my rocker!

Before we know it, our two will be three...we'll get there...one day at a time...