In case you couldn't tell, I kind of like the feeling of control. Again, maybe it's the oldest child thing, maybe it's a Virgo thing. I don't know, but I like feeling that I've got at least some semblance of control over my life. Recently (most specifically, within the past 3 years), I've felt that control slipping away. I'm enjoying the ride, but it's a difficult adjustment.
I was one of those people who, when feeling particularly stressed, cleaned to regain some feeling of control over my surroundings, if not my situations. My college roommates would always know when I was tense. Our room would be immaculate. Once I figured out what I was actually doing, I didn't know if other people did the same thing. But then a student a pile of years ago (John W) was saying how he was cleaning his room the night before because he felt like the stresses of senior year were weighing him down. I told him about my college cleaning, and we both felt better :)
I'm also an introvert. What that really means is that I get energized, excited, and find peace when I'm alone. A lot of people don't get this. My extrovert husband, for example, I think has kind of a hard time with this sometimes. You other introverts out there know what I'm talking about. It isn't that I don't love people (refer to previous post), and it isn't that I don't like other peoples' company. It's just that I desperately need time by myself to sort myself out. Most days that consists of a 20 minute drive to work and a 10 minute drive to pick up the boy from day care. I like my morning radio show, so that doesn't help much. I've learned to deal with this, but I really like more than that from time to time.
Yesterday we had an open house that we learned was happening 26 hours before the actual event. Our house was a total sty. Seriously. Disgusto. And, I wanted to go see my students all dolled up at their senior prom on Friday night. And, Matt had to work an event all day yesterday. So, we tag-teamed it, and got it done. My folks picked up Joseph yesterday morning and took him for breakfast and errands, too, so that I could polish it all up. I ended up with about 4 hours by myself in my own house. Heaven. I put Bon Jovi on the stereo and rocked my socks off while prettying my little cave. Aerosmith helped me finish things off, and I remembered how good it feels to listen to energizing music and take back my space.
So, for a few precious hours yesterday, I remembered what it felt like to be that introvert taking control of my surroundings back. It was a good feeling.