To be pissed off?
Does anyone know if it’s normal for your 30s to be angry years? My 20s were pretty fine…life got put together pretty appropriately; things weren’t all easy, but it was easy(ish) to keep things in perspective. Lexapro and Zoloft helped, but I made it, and I think that I enjoyed most of it.
I should note that I still maintain that I have one of the best jobs in the world that regularly provides me with reasons to smile, laugh, and enjoy other people. And, I dearly love the people around me; they give me reason to smile and laugh too. My sweet little boy is the most wonderful person in the whole world and I would do anything for him. Anything. The majority of my time is not spent feeling angry or frustrated. I acknowledge and value the "little things" and the brief moments.
However, I’m finding myself more easily angered by things that hadn’t previously bothered me too much. I’m finding those around me are angry too…which is fueling my fury…it’s a vicious cycle. I understand that anger is a normal emotion and that it’s healthy to feel and express it. I get it. It still doesn’t make me feel good. My happy pills help with it a little bit, but they don’t keep my stomach from flipping over at my outrage and amazement at the way that some people act and the things that some people say.
Maybe it’s the season. Maybe I’m overreacting. I know that I’m more sensitive to peoples’ words and actions now that I’ve got a kiddo and I’m realizing that he is taking in every aspect of his surroundings and learning appropriate behaviors from those around him. I’m expecting tantrums from a kid at some point (and am experiencing them already, to a certain extent), but adult-themed tantrums are just starting to piss me off. Friggin’ get over it. Solve the problem and move on. If you can’t get over it, shut the hell up. See, there’s me getting angry again. This has just started to pervade my life in virtually every aspect and I’m having a harder time understanding it.
Stepping on my soapbox: It doesn’t seem to me that it’s appropriate to call other people names. Ever. I learned at an early age that people may do bad things, but that doesn’t make them bad. So, if something is frustrating, identify the frustration and not the person. If someone says or does something that upsets you, you are not even a little bit allowed to intentionally say or do something that upsets them. "I" statements are more productive than "you" statements…can you tell that I’ve been in counseling? :) What a wonderful thing it is, too! Okay, I’m done.
So, maybe I should go back to counseling…it’s not like I haven’t had a major life upheaval lately…it’s not like I couldn’t use some tools to help me with this new-found pressure that I’m feeling to be the perfect parent, and while I know that’s impossible it doesn’t mean that I’m not trying…it’s not like my fuse is significantly shorter due to lack of sleep and excess of responsibilities…it’s not like I might be a little resentful because I feel like I’m getting lost in the shuffle of daily life…hmmm. Now, if I could just get away from those responsibilities for an hour a week to take care of my head…anyone care to help? I read…got a good book? Anyone want to join me? Matt? We’re in this together, babe—like it or not :)
‘K. I’m better. For now. I promise a light-hearted knitting-themed post soon.